The Paper Dart
An ode to creativity and distraction

Life Lately – November 15, 2021

NaNoWriMo Update

We’re just about half way through November, which means it’s time for me to stop and reflect on my National Novel Writing Month (#NaNoWriMo) adventures so far. And get ready, because it turns out I have a lot of thoughts…

Back in October, I stumbled upon another writer’s post about NaNoWriMo, and got to noodling about participating. My first thought was, there is no way I could write 50,000 words of a book in one month, especially when the only time I have to write, is between the hours of 8 and 10pm (that is, assuming my kids go to bed on time). But then I did some googling, and looked into the the schedules that other writers—both professional, and aspiring—had set for themselves, and I realized that many of them had managed to complete the challenge in previous years just by staying consistent–even if the time blocks they allowed themselves each day were relatively small. 

And I think the “every day” part was the biggest takeaway for me. Because writing a book is a long, complicated, and frustrating process, and the more you allow yourself to take a break from it, the less likely you (usually) are to finish it. 

So I sat myself down and set a goal to write, for at least an hour a day, every single day in the month of November. In some ways, that seemed like a lot, largely because that meant giving up essentially all of the other things that I would normally do in the evening after my kids go to bed. But then, as I started to do it, I realized something: A lot of the stuff I get done after my kids go to bed either isn’t as necessary as I make it out to be, or isn’t actually providing me with the restorative and relaxing experience I say that I’m looking for. 

This month, there have been a lot of nights where I chose to leave the dinner dishes in the sink. And guess what? They still got done. I just encouraged the kids to play an extra half hour of Magnatiles in the morning and did them then instead. Or, *gasp* I let my husband do them all, while I had my writing time in my room. Other nights, I was tempted to skip writing hour, and watch TV, or scroll social media instead. I have often told myself that these activities are “relaxing,” and, thus, an important part of decompressing at the end of a long, toddler-fueled day. But whenever I stopped myself, and dove into writing instead, I always felt more relaxed at the end of it than I ever do after watching an hour of The Bachelor. This realization is far from revolutionary, but it’s worth repeating again: if you think scrolling on your phone is restorative, you’re probably kidding yourself a little. I know I was.

All of this then brings us to today, November 19th, more than half-way through NaNoWriMo. And, to my own surprise more than anyone else’s I’m sure, I’ve been able to reach several of the milestones I set for myself. I’ve written every single day (sometimes for 30 minutes, sometimes for 2 hours) this month, and I’m at a word count I really didn’t think was possible at this point. And while the writing itself probably leaves something to be desired (or a lot of things), the fact that I’ve gotten this far is worth it in and of itself. 

But besides learning that I actually can set lofty writing goals, and stick to them (while also mothering three young children) I have also learned a lot about the process of writing a book—or, at least my process of writing a book, as well. 

I used to think that, before I started writing something, I had to have the entire story mapped out in my head. I had to know who the characters were inside and out, what their world looked, sounded and felt like, and where their journeys would take them in the end. But it turns out that a lot of authors don’t work that way. The more I’ve read about different authors’ writing styles, the more I’ve been able to identify what mine is. And, if you’re curious, it turns out I’m a “plantser,” which is way of saying that I’m somewhere between a “planner,” and a “flay-by-the-seat-of-my-pants-er.” 

I probably should have known this, based on the way that I taught when I was in the classroom (it was very “plantsery”), but I had never really considered the “strategy” I used in that job, as a real “strategy” at all, so it never crossed my mind to make the connection. 

But it turns out that “plantsing” works for me in writing, just as well as it worked for me in the classroom. Having a vague outline of where I’m going, as well as a desired end point, is enough to get me going, and the lack of detail in-between allows me to learn as I go, and be creative. To be totally honest, I always thought it was a little put-on when authors talked about how they “got to know” their characters, and their characters’ motivations, while they were writing, but I’m starting to understand how that happens. Every day that I write a page or two of my characters’ journeys, the more fleshed out they become in my head, and the more clearly the story begins to unfold. That also means that I’m likely going to have to do some pretty heavy editing of the front half of the book once I finish, but we’ll get there when (and if) we get there. 

So to conclude, NaNoWriMo has been a resounding success for me so far, in terms of the growth opportunity is has provided me, in addition to the fact that I’m actually enjoying writing more as well. I’m hoping to stick with the habit for at least the next 15 days, and am counting on some of you to hold me accountable. (Read: please ask me about my writing!)

The Potty Training Update You Never Asked For

My middle child has officially been potty trained for two weeks now. And while the first week or so went relatively smoothly, we now seem to be in the midst of a delayed adjustment period. My son, who is normally my least spicy child, has hopped on the fuss bus in a serious way. I know that it’s common, especially for boys, to have some growing pains when it comes to potty training, and mine seems to be doing just that. He is clearly feeling a loss of autonomy, and it trying to assert control over his life, and his body, in other ways. Super fun ways, like refusing to drink water, put on his shoes, or do literally any of the thousands of things we have to do to make it through the day.

I’m trying my absolute best to have patience and compassion with him, and the rest of my kids (as they have to deal with the repercussions as well). I can only imagine what it must feel like to go from never thinking about where and when you pee and poop, to having to think about it all the time. I know, in my heart, that it is so much harder for him than it is for me, but I’m also a human. And racing to the pediatrician’s office in order to get there before they close because he decided to hold his pee for eight hours, only to have approximately 500 accidents the minute we get there, is a little wearing. So, while I continue to try and hold space for all of my son’s feelings, I’m also more than ready for us to get over this hump, and on to the next.

And if you, too, happen to be in the midst of potty training, this has been the most helpful book by far for my son.

What My Kids Are Reading

’Tis the season for Thanksgiving books, and we’re reading a lot of them these days. I’ve really enjoyed two of the new releases I received from Simon Kids this month, including We Give Thanks by Cynthia Rylant and Thankful by Elaine Vicker. Both are thoughtfully written, and beautifully illustrated, and really gave me (and, hopefully, the kids) some things to think about during this season as well.

The list below includes all of our older favorites as well! 

My almost-five-year-old daughter is also very into the Thea Stilton series lately. It’s a chapter book series featuring a girl-squad of adventurous, anthropomorphized mice. The stories are cute and engaging, and there’s just enough pictures for my son to sometimes follow along as well. We’re currently about half way through The Cloud Castle–which is right up our alley, as it includes lots of fairies and mythological creatures. 10/10 recommend for the little girls in your life.

What I’m Reading

I’m currently reading (very slowly) George Saunders’s new book, A Swim in a Pond in the Rain. My husband actually bought this one, and I stole it off of his nightstand a few weeks ago. I was an English major in college, and this book took me right back to everything I loved about that time in my life. The book is basically like taking a literature class with Saunders (which is something people pay a lot of money for), and it is absolutely fascinating. He starts each section with a famous short story (all Russian literature) and then breaks it down like he would for his students. The premise sounds a little boring, but if you are at all interested in literature, or creative writing, it is NOT AT ALL. It’s going to take me a long time to finish this one because I’ve been reading it slowly and annotating, but I’m loving it all the same. 

What We’ve Been Up To

Last weekend my family drove up to Solvang, California, which is located in the heart of The Santa Ynez Valley. It’s one of my husband’s and my favorite places, and we’ve actually really enjoyed bringing the kids there as well. We usually stay in Solvang, which is a super family friendly town, and then drive up to Los Olivos, or Fess Parker Winery, during the day for lunch, ice cream, and wine tasting. If you’re in the Southern California area, I can’t recommend this trip enough. And if you do go, definitely stop for breakfast at Paula’s Pancake House, followed by cookies and pastries at Mortensen’s. You’ll be stuffed, but it’s worth it.  

That’s all I have time for today, because le bebe is waking up from nap, but I hope you enjoyed catching up on my journey, and let me know in the comments if there’s anything else you’d like to hear about in my next Life Lately post. Thanks for following along friends!

What My Kids Are Reading: The Moon Keeper

Over the past week or so, I haven’t been feeling my best. I had stopped reading the news, or watching TV, or looking at anything other than books and my real-life friends’ accounts on social media. The internet had begun to feel like a toxic place, and I knew I needed a break in order to protect my heart, and my physical well-being. But, with the election quickly approaching, and social unrest continuing to simmer in my own community, and around the country, I felt like it was time to re-engage.

And guess what? It was worse than I thought it would be. But this time, instead of feeling scared, and sad, and anxious (all of which I had been feeling earlier in the summer), I got mad. Really mad.

I feel like anger, especially in women, is often viewed as a very undesirable emotion. It’s something we all feel, but no one really wants to talk about or acknowledge. It feels messy, and sometimes inappropriate: as if it’s a feeling we should have all outgrown in childhood.

So last week, I didn’t really share with anyone just how angry I was. Or, for that matter, what I was angry about.

But the thing about anger, for me at least, is that it tends to fester when left unexpressed. My husband has the enviable ability to notice his feelings (even those of anger), quietly process them, and then let them go. (Is he human? I’m still not sure.) But for me, the letting go part usually only happens after I allow myself to put words to my feelings.

In the first draft of this post, I laid all of my feelings bare. And then I went back and deleted them.

While I have been mad about a lot of things that are legitimately maddening, worrisome, and hurtful, they are also all things that are in no way under my control. As much as I would like to, I can not change many of the problems we are continuing to experience across the country, and within my own community. But even though I know I can’t control them, I still have trouble letting them go, and I have found myself allowing all of these uncontrollable triggers and the anger they elicit in me take up WAY too much room in my mind, and in my heart. Room that should be filed with love for my children and gratitude that I get to be home with them every day during this wildly uncertain time.

Last weekend, my brother-in-law and his soon-to-be wife came to visit, and left us with a few new children’s books, which I’m sure they realized would be a gift for Margot, but also a gift for me.

One of those books is called “The Moon Keeper” by Zosienka, which is absolutely lovely and conveys a message that is so incredibly timely for me, and possibly for some of you as well.

The book is about a bear (at least, I think he’s a bear?), named Emile, who has been assigned the job of “moon keeper” by the council of night creatures.

He takes his job very seriously, and diligently watches the moon from his perch on a tree branch every night. One night, Emile is alarmed to notice that the moon appears to be shrinking. He calls on many of his friends for advice, but none of them seem to know how to help. Eventually, a bird comes along and listens to Emile’s concerns. In response, the bird flies away, and then back again, and tells Emile, simply, “Things come and go—you’ll see.”

Things come and go. They do. Always. In September of 2020, it feels like “things” are sticking around longer than any of us would like, but, eventually, they will go. Politicians will leave office, and new ones will take their place (likely providing us with a new set of things to be mad about). People will continue to come together against hate and ignorance, and, I truly believe, my faith in humanity, and my neighbors, will be restored. People will hear the stories teachers have to tell this year, and maybe our society will begin to take a long hard look at the ways in which educators are treated and regarded, and the impact that treatment has on the education and moral development of our kids. The pandemic will end, and maybe it will come back again, but it will always ebb and flow. And I think now, finally, I am beginning to understand that my anger will do the same as well.

I am allowed to feel mad, just like I am allowed to feel joyful, or sad, or overwhelmed, or confused. But I can’t let my anger linger, in a state as perpetually full as Emile wants his new moon to be. While I won’t compromise my beliefs, or what I know is right, there are many things I have to let go of. I have to let my feelings wane, while also being prepared for when they resurface again, as they surly will.

So, on this lovely Sunday night during this beautiful season of waning summer and waxing fall, I hope you all take a moment to remember that whatever your struggle is right now, it will eventually, and probably slowly, become less and less. And even though a new problem will inevitably arise, each journey through the cycle helps make us strong enough to weather the next. Sending strength to anyone who needs it, and hugs to all. And, most importantly, happy reading!

The Book: Click To Purchase

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