I think it’s important for me to start this by admitting that neither of my children are prefect sleepers. I have relied on many a sleep crutch over the past four years, and my kids oftentimes still fight bedtime. But, I do think that I am beginning to see signs that my children may actually have a relatively healthy relationship with sleep, and I credit a lot of that to the ways in which my husband and I have purposefully taught our kids how to go to sleep, and go back to sleep, independently, and when faced with a lot of physical freedom.

For most of the first year of their lives, both of my kids slept in a traditional crib. I moved both of them out of the bedside bassinet and into their own rooms around 2.5-3 months of age, mainly because they were loud sleepers, and mama can’t handle husband, dog and infant snoring… After moving to their own rooms, both kids went through the traditional series of infant sleep regressions. However, the hardest for me were the two big toddler sleep regressions, which happened for both of my kids around 15 and 17 months. The more major transition occurred at 17 months–and by major, I mean hours of wailing at bedtime. Both times this happened, my husband and I tried lots of things, and the only one that really worked for us was transitioning our kids from a crib, to a toddler bed.

While making this transition so early can seem scary to a lot of people (and definitely did to us as well), it was actually surprisingly uneventful, and has really helped both kids develop a sense of independence and confidence when it comes to falling and staying asleep. While I definitely would not consider my son to be a completely independent sleeper, even at this point, having him out of the crib has curbed the crying, and allowed me to take my evenings back, even if that means he’s still puttering around in his room at 8:30pm. The goal, for me, in making this transition, has always been to give myself some much-needed evening alone-time, and help my kids develop a sense of sleep-related independence.

Below, I am going to break down for you how, exactly, we transitioned to the toddler bed. I will start with some information on Montessori-ish toddler room setup and some of the baby-proofing tools we use to ensure that our kids’ rooms are safe enough for them to move around in at night. I will link as many of the products as I can, as well as the resources that were most helpful to me.

The Sleep Environment

My son’s nursery is not Instagram worthy. And that is exactly what makes it safe, and functional. When you are planning on allowing your toddler to have free-reign of the room, it’s important to make sure that it’s basically impossible for them to get injured or cause trouble. It’s also helpful to place certain objects within the child’s reach, so that they can entertain themselves, and/or feel in control of their environment (this will make it less likely for them to want to escape).

My son’s room is furnished with a glider, his toddler bed (which was converted from this Delta Children’s Crib), a child-size dresser with magnetic drawer locks, an un-tippable, toddler bookshelf, toy basket and a balance bar/mirror. He also has a large closet with bi-fold doors (which we babyproofed using these handy plastic slides), and blackout curtains on his windows.

We use this hatch nightlight (you want to try and find one with a “red”” light, as blue and white lights can disrupt melatonin production), and this sound machine, and make sure to roll-up and zip-tie the cords on these, and any other appliances, so that there is minimal exposed cording. We have used all kinds of outlet covers in the past (including these ones, which we have in the rest of the house), but since I never actually use any of the outlets in my son’s room, I decided to duct tape them closed instead (it’s cheaper, and works just as well).

I also always leave a blanket and/or sweater on the rocker, as well as a cup of water on the floor (I prefer this one for independent times, as it is basically impossible to spill). This way, my son knows he can look for these things on his own, and can’t use them as an excuse to get out of bed, or yell for me.

I leave my son’s door at least partially ajar whenever he is asleep, but keep him contained by placing this baby gate on the outside of his door. Even though it’s not “cute,” I love this setup, because it makes the room feel like it really belongs to my son, and is a place where he can safely, and confidently, explore and learn.

The Toddler Bed

While I have really enjoyed our convertable Detla crib, others choose to use the even more “Montessori-ish” approach of a floor bed. A lot of our friends chose to put the crib mattress directly on the floor, so that it was even easier for kids to get on and off. If you do this, I would recommend putting the mattress on carpet, or on top of a mat, to avoid slippage. I would also place the mattress in a corner of the room, so that the child will be contained by walls on at least two sides. I also have friends who have had success with Sweedi Floor Bed Frames like this one, which is pretty dang cute.

Starting With Naps

Transitioning to independent sleep outside of a crib should be a gradual process. Both of my kids were at daycare full-time, starting around 6 months old and were expected to sleep on a floor mattress during nap time. Since the kids in each class were a variety of ages, and followed a variety of sleep schedules, my kids would be napping at the same time that other kids were working and playing. When it was time for a certain group’s nap, the teacher would walk the kids over to a partitioned, and slightly darker corner of the room (the kids might also walk themselves there if they were tired enough) where they each had a tiny floor mattress of their own.

Teaching kids how to sleep in this kind of environment is super beneficial, because they learn how to tune-out background noise, and put themselves back to sleep after a wailing classmate prematurely wakes them up. While both of my kids were still sleeping in a crib at night, these oftentimes interrupted floor naps were a crucial part of their learning to self-soothe and feel safe in a less-contained environment.

When Covid hit and my son came home from daycare (around 11 months old), we tried to keep this same system in place at home. During nap time, I would put him to bed on a floor mattress on the middle of the carpet in his bedroom. We used this travel mattress, but you could also just take the crib mattress out and place it on the floor for naps. I usually put him in his sleep sack (as it decreased his ease of movement, and was strongly associated with night-time sleep), rubbed his back and sang to him while he fell asleep (his teachers also did this at daycare).

Neither of my children have ever gone down easy for naps, and they usually required a good deal of help to fall asleep. My usual process is (and was when they was younger) to sing and rub my child’s back as they lay on the floor mattress. When they look sleepy, I try to walk away, and wait for a reaction. On a good day, my son will fall asleep on his own, but often, he needs me to come back for round two. After two attempts at rubbing his back and singing, I tell him that I am going to leave, but I will sit either in the rocker in his room, or outside his door. (If my older child is cooperating and doing “quiet time” in her room, I can stay with my son, but if not, I have to step outside of his room.)

If I have to be outside his room, I try to position myself in a way that he can see me, but not my daughter. During this time, my daughter and I usually work on something quietly, while I periodically check on my son, or he waddles over to the baby gate to check on us. While it sometimes takes him a while to fall asleep this way, he will, eventually do it on his own.

I try to keep his door at least a bit ajar (baby gate closed and sound machine on), so that he is exposed to some degree of background noise, like he was at daycare. Training my son to sleep through a moderate amount of noise is important now, and will be even more so when his little brother arrives in the spring.

Sometimes, when my son was little, he would fall asleep in the middle of the floor mattress. Other times, his whole lower body would be hanging off, and sometimes he fell asleep on the floor by the door. Honestly, all three of these options were fine for me. And, if he woke up and realized he was uncomfortable on the floor, he usually ended up dragging himself back over to the mattress to finish the nap. Just remember, if a kid falls asleep on the floor, that means they feel safe, and at least somewhat comfortable there, and it’s not cruel to just leave them to it.

Moving to the Toddler Bed for Nighttime Sleep

Full disclosure, this part was a little scary for me. I didn’t like the idea of my kids being free to roam around their rooms at night, no matter how much babyproofing I had done. When we first moved the kids to their toddler beds, we still had a baby monitor (we used this one), and could check on them throughout the night. However, we got rid of this pretty quickly, as I never sleep well with the light of the monitor nearby, and my room is close enough to my kids’ rooms that I can easily hear them if they really need me.

On the first day of the planned transition, we talked with our kids about how they would be sleeping in a “big kid” bed that night, but didn’t make too big of a deal of it. Both times, we let the kids help us take down the crib wall, and let them play (briefly, because beds are for sleep), on the “new” toddler bed once it was complete.

When bedtime rolled around, we followed the same bedtime routine as always. With both kids, the first night was surprisingly uneventful. While they may have woken up once or twice slipping out of the bed, they both went back to sleep quickly and without much fuss.

If your child does wake up and refuses to go back to sleep during the first few nights of the transition, use the same strategies you would for naptime. For us, this means a brief back rub, and then moving to sit in a chair near the bed, or just outside the door. As tempting as it is to lay on the floor next to your child, DON’T DO IT. It’s a trap that will take you a long time to get out of.

When I first transitioned my son to the toddler bed, a lot of people asked me about the mornings, and whether he got out of his bed before I knew he was awake. The funny thing with both of my kids (and I have heard this from a ton of other parents too) is that it took them a very long time to learn that they were fully capable of getting out of the toddler bed by themselves in the morning. For about six months post-transition, both of my kids would still call for me to come get them from bed in the morning, even though there was no crib wall keeping them there.

Adjusting to this transition shouldn’t take too long, and most experts say that it takes toddlers about 3-5 days to adjust to a new situation, such as a new bed, or room.

Other Hot Tips and Unsolicited Advice

1. Don’t sleep on the floor next to your child. We did this with Max when he went through his first sleep regression, and it was a tough habit to break. Once kids learn to fall asleep with you, it’s bound to be a little bit traumatic when you suddenly ask them to fall asleep alone. If your kid is sick, that’s a different story. I have slept on the floor next to my kids several times when they had fevers, or coughs that were bad enough to be truly concerning. I have found that a night or two here or there, especially if the child is sick, and can associate your presence with their own illness, won’t do any harm.
2. Kids will make up for lost sleep. Sometimes, my son wanders around his room for an hour or more before he actually falls asleep. That means his actual bedtime may be closer to 9, or even 9:30 pm. When this happens, my son usually wakes up around the same time in the morning, but he’ll likely need an extra nap the next day, or an extra long nap. I haven’t found that this permanently messes with his sleep schedule, and that he usually manages to get himself back on track within a day or so, without losing too much cumulative sleep.
3. Let them make noise at night. A lot of us are loud sleepers. Or we have a spouse who is a loud sleeper. Both of my kids were kicked out of the master bedroom around 3 months of age because they were so. dang. loud. When kids (even toddlers) make noise and then get attention from us, we reinforce the behavior, and essentially encourage it. At this point, I know my kids’ noisiness, and I don’t go into their rooms unless I hear a pretty loud thud (implying that someone, or something, fell out of bed a little too hard), or a real cry that goes on for a while. Oftentimes, my kids will roll into the wall, or cry out momentarily, and then put themselves back to sleep. It is more helpful (and restful) to everyone to let the kids try and figure it out and self-soothe on their own before you intervene.
4. Don’t use threats or bribes. They just don’t work long term, nor do they teach kids to develop a sense of responsibility for things they will have to do for the rest of their lives (like sleep). Also, once kids figure out how bribes work (which they do earlier than you’d think), they’ll start trying to up the ante, and that’s a game you definitely won’t win.