Family – The Paper Dart

My son is about to turn two this week. And I think he knows it. Because, lately, he’s been testing out a bunch of fun new personalities, that are unlike anything I’ve seen from him before.

My once peaceful and compliant second child has suddenly learned the word “no.” He has learned that he can get a reaction out of me when he rips his diaper off and entices the dog into a very naked (and very dangerous) game of chase. He has learned that he can refuse my help, and that I’d rather allow him to try and put his own shoes on for 45 minutes than listen to him scream while I help him. Overall, it’s been a pretty exciting time over here, and I really can’t wait to see what the actual terrible twos throw our way.

But in all seriousness, and especially on the days when he doesn’t wake up shrieking at 3am because he lost one of the enormous wooden blocks he likes to sleep with, it’s been pretty cool to see my son start testing out some new identities, and versions of himself.

Sometimes, when I observe his efforts, I can tell that he is copying his sister–like when he climbs on the end tables, yells “1, 2, 3, BLAST OFF” and launches himself head-first onto the couch. But other times, he seems to reveal little bursts of personality that are purely his own–like when he eats ice cream, scrunches up his nose, makes two, tiny “OK” signs with his hands and yells “ME LIKE IT!”

Many of the character traits that I would use to describe my son today, are wildly different than the ones I would have used a mere month ago, and that is pretty darn amazing (albeit, exhausting).

The other day, I was reading the old standby, It’s Not Easy Being a Bunny with both of my kids. It’s one my son has really been enjoying these days, as he is currently very attracted to any book that is a little too long and obnoxiously repetitive. And while I can’t say I love it, this book highlighted for me the almost instinctual ways in which kids (and bunnies) are constantly trying on, and testing out, new identities.

While my son is currently working out whether he wants to have an attitude or not, my four-year-old daughter is grappling with different, big-kid decisions, like whether she wants to wear dresses or shorts, lead or follow, and be funny like her one friend, or curious like the other. When I taught middle school, this kind of “testing out” was in many ways at it’s peak. I had a student one year who showed up on a Friday in a polo shirt and high-waisted jeans, and arrived on Monday with blue hair and dangerously over-sized black skater shorts.

While this was, and is, a little exhausting for me as both a parent and a teacher, it’s also really cool to see. Because that kid in the tucked-in polo shirt was quiet, withdrawn, and, seemingly at least, pretty unhappy. But the blue-haired version had a group to sit with at lunch, a smile on his face, and even willingly raised his hand in class. And while my almost-two-year-old’s newfound ‘tude is driving me a little nuts, he’s also becoming so much more himself, which, I think, is largely the point of this whole parenting thing.

So P.J. Funnybunny’s determination to become a new version of himself was a lovely reminder for me of the near-constant way in which my own kids’ identities are evolving and transforming. But, more importantly, it also reminded me of the way in which my identity has been pretty stagnant. For a very long time.

Because most adults don’t really give ourselves a lot of leeway to try out new versions of ourselves. And I’m not just talking about deciding to become more organized, or more health-conscious, or less of a high-maintenance Starbucks orderer. I mean deciding to let yourself be funny, or outgoing, or a risk-taker when, previously, you would never have described yourself as any of those things.

At the end of It’s Not Easy Being a Bunny, P.J. runs back to the safety of his crowded rabbit hole because he’s decided that that grass is definitely not greener on the other side (especially the side with skunks). And while I think the message this conveys about appreciating what you have is a good one, I also think it reinforces the idea that we somehow have to be the thing we were “born” into, or that our friends decided for us back in middle school.

While I have truly enjoyed and appreciated my year as a stay-at-home mom, it definitely slapped me in the face with a much-needed identity crisis. Being home gave me the space I needed to really think about what it is I want to “be” next. Do I want to be a stay at home mom forever? Do I want to go back to work full time? Do I want to be on social media, or even have a smartphone? Do I want to be a writer? Or a tutor? Or a school administrator?

But more importantly it also made me think about who I want to be. Do I want to continue to sweat the small stuff? Or be the habitual “rule follower” that my friends have always known, and probably been annoyed with at one point or another? Do I want to put myself out there more? Take more risks? Start allowing my kids to do the same?

Sometimes when I think about trying out one or more of these new “identities,” I find myself worrying about what happens if it’s not the right one. What will people think if I “let loose,” for a bit, only to reel it back in later? Will I be judged for putting myself out there in a way that’s different than who I’ve always been, or tried to be?

At the end of the day, I’m always going to be a “bunny”. There are certain things about myself that I can’t, and honestly don’t want to, change. But there are also things I’ve always wondered about, and other ways of living that look pretty darn appetizing to me. And if my two-year-old is brave enough to try on some new versions of himself (and be seriously judged by his dad and I in the process), then I should be too.

As always, thanks for reading, and I hope you stick around no matter which version of myself I try on next week.

Moms of the internet seem to really hate when strangers at the grocery store tell them “you’ve got your hands full!” The memes on this topic are endless, and sometimes they even make me laugh.

But to be totally honest, I kind of agree with these intrusive pedestrians. Because, really, they’re exactly correct: I, and all the other moms out there, really do have our hands full (even if it’s maybe not always in the way that they mean).

Yesterday afternoon, I was walking my children along the sandy beachfront path a few blocks from our home (which sounds idyllic, except for the fact that, as I previously stated, I had both of my children with me, and it was afternoon, so one, or both of them, really should have been sleeping), when an older woman walking an alarmingly bedraggled-looking beagle, neither of whom I knew in any capacity, stopped, raised her eyebrows at my 32-week pregnant belly, and said “girl, you’re brave.“

I feel like a lot of internet moms would have had a field day with this comment. It was pretty intrusive. And a little bit rude. But I surprised both her, and myself, when my immediate reaction was to laugh. I even peed my pants a little (although that isn’t too unusual for me at this point). The older woman smiled, gestured to my stroller, and wished me “good luck with all that,” as she continued to drag her dog down the sidewalk.

And I kind of love that woman, because I’m pretty sure she’s me in 30 years.

Having two children under four is a wild ride. I definitely do have my hands, and my pockets, and my patience-pouch full. And in a few, short months, we’re “bravely” throwing another kid on top of it all.

The decision to get pregnant again was not an easy one. In fact, my husband and I talked about it basically every night, for a year. Because, as the aforementioned stranger implied, having a third kid is pretty scary.

Sure, the risks of pregnancy are scary, as is the financial burden of three children, and the fact that I’ll be officially outnumbered whenever the kids and I leave the house without my husband. But for me, what scares me the most is the first, and arguably the cutest, part of parenthood: the newborn phase.

The newborn phase has never been my favorite. In fact, I can honestly say that I hated Cara Dumaplin (Of Taking Cara Babies fame) long before it was “cool” to hate her, largely because she told me that her $120 sleep training course would magically allow me to “love the newborn phase.” Spoiler alert: I paid up, and it didn’t happen.

During my first pregnancy, I worried about whether the baby would be healthy, and how I would survive delivery. The prospect of giving birth was so foreign and overwhelming to me that I couldn’t really look past it and imagine what the days and weeks immediately afterwards would be like. And so, like most new moms, I brought a beautiful, healthy baby home from the hospital, only to be bombarded by the real challenges that, despite taking all the right classes, and reading all the right books, no one really told me about.

During those first few weeks, I was shocked by how insane true sleep deprivation could make me feel. I was shocked by how much time my baby spent sleeping, yet how little I was able to accomplish during the day. I was shocked by how foreign my body felt, how difficult breastfeeding was, how much it hurt to take a gosh darn poop, and how overwhelming and unpredictable my emotions were.

While all of these perfectly normal side-effects of early motherhood were difficult, the sadness that seemed to linger at the edge of every beautiful moment was the most surprising, and frightening to me. While I had experienced periods of real sadness before, they had all been brought on by, or correlated with, difficult, or truly saddening life events. Never before had I had so many reasons to be happy, yet felt so darn bummed out all the time.

When my second child was born, he slept less, and got sick more, and the “baby blues” I experienced with my first were a little closer to navy. While, the second time around, I had a better understanding of the connection between my crashing hormones, and my bummed out brain, it was even harder for me to give myself grace, and space to sit in my emotions–largely because I now had a daughter who was there, and watching me, all the time.

This time around, I’m still worried about the health of my baby. I’m also worried about the delivery, and the epidural, and the Apgar score, and whether or not I’ll be able to pee when they take the dang catheter out. But I’m mostly worried about feeling sad again, and having two tiny pairs of eyes on me as I try my best to find the sunshine in what is normally a very cloudy time for me.

When that lady on the boardwalk told me that I’m “brave”, she probably meant it facetiously. If my kids were old enough to understand her, I might actually have been mad, and would have had to make it clear to my kids that they are not, in fact, the burden she was implying they were. Because my kids are absolutely adorable, and, right after my husband, the absolute greatest blessings in my life.

But despite her implicit sarcasm, that “you’re brave” transported me into the mind of a future version of myself, perched on a well-worn rocker in the middle of the night, wincing in pain as a I try to get a squirming newborn to latch before his whimpers become cries loud enough to wake up the entire house. It made me imagine an afternoon spent playing puzzles with my kids, and being awed by their perfection while simultaneously feeling completely overwhelmed by sadness. I saw myself sitting at a boisterous and joyful dinner table as the sun goes down, unable to focus on my daughter’s lighthearted tales of her day because I’m somehow incapable of tearing my mind away from it’s fixation on the seemingly endlessly dark night ahead.

But as much as I am fearful of this third postpartum period, I am so much more excited about what it represents. Because, despite the undeniable challenges we’ve endured together, my kids have completely transformed my life for the better. And while the beautiful parts of their childhoods are often the ones I most want to celebrate and remember, the hard ones also matter too.

When I think about my kids watching me struggle, and feel sad, and wonder, out loud, if I can do it all, I feel a little bit heartbroken, but also a little bit proud. Because life, in general, is pretty hard. As my kids grow up, they are going to be faced with challenge after challenge that is unlike anything they have faced before. If they do it right, they will have periods in their lives where they suffer, or feel like a failure, or wonder if whatever they worked so hard for was really, actually worth it. And while they likely won’t remember the 6-8 weeks after their littlest brother was born, I hope that some part of my struggle, and my efforts to rise above it, stick with them as a reminder of what real life, and real bravery, really looks like.

I know that at some point in the near future I’ll be zombie-walking through the grocery store with three screaming kids in tow when someone passes me and yells, “you’ve got your hands full!” without making any attempt to actually help. And I won’t resent them for it. Partially because I won’t have the mental space to process any more emotions, but also because they’ll be right. I do, and will, always have my hands full, and I’m so, eternally grateful that I was brave enough to make it that way.

Kid’s Book Companion:

This story was inspired by a truly lovely kid’s book entitled Orion And The Dark by Emma Yarlet. The book follows Orion, who is, at first, terrified of pretty much everything (including, of course, the dark), as he discovers that the things he thinks are scary are really just there to help him grow. This story is so creatively told and beautifully illustrated, and I can not recommend it enough. You can purchase the book via the link below. Happy reading!

The Research

Is there research on 4-year-old birthday parties? Why yes, there is! Why, you ask? Because anything that causes adults and children alike a great deal of stress and discontent (and, sure, joy too) is worth studying.

When “researching” what the heck to do for my child’s pandemic-era fourth birthday party earlier this month, I turned to my favorite (and, not unrelatedly, shortest) parenting book collection: the Your ___-Year-Old series by Louise Bates Ames and Frances L. Ilg. I already owned and enjoyed years 1-3 in the series, so I felt pretty confident that picking up a copy of Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful, would provide some return-on-investment. Especially since it contains an entire chapter on birthday parties.

While a single party may seem insignificant in the scheme of an entire year of child development (why even write a chapter on it?), birthdays are formative experiences for kids, and I found the information provided both enlightening and reassuring (spoiler alert: you don’t have to hire the clown and the balloon artist).

Before I go on, I’m not here to criticize an over-the-top birthday party. I enjoy a good champagne-fueled, backyard petting zoo as much as the next person. But putting those kinds of events together takes a lot of work, as well as a level of energy that I just don’t have most days. Plus, we’re still living in the midst of a pandemic, and the less people (and livestock) I invite into my backyard these days, the better.

Thankfully, Ames and Ilg assert that a small, simple, and short party is what’s most developmentally appropriate for most four-year-olds. First, they suggest an ideal number of guests of around 6-8 kids, and a preferred time frame of about an hour and a half. The limited number of guests prevents social anxiety or overwhelm (for the kids and adults…), and the time frame gives kids enough time to eat, play, open presents, and leave without totally destroying the house. Additionally, it ensures that most kids leave before reaching the point of exhaustion, over-stimulation (or, God forbid, both).

Ames also suggests that you keep games and activities as simple as possible. Kids will already be distracted by their friends and new environment, and won’t be able to attend to too many rules or steps. And while four-year-olds are much more competent inter-personal players than twos and threes, they still struggle with extended, adult-directed group play, and would oftentimes rather engage in an activity alone, but in the proximity of their friends.

Lastly, Ames suggests giving kids plenty of time to “free play.” I think that parents (including myself) often feel like we have to plan out every minute of a party, lest the kids get “bored” and turn on us, but this really isn’t true. Four-year-olds especially are incredibly creative, imaginative, and self-directed, and usually appreciate being able to make their own decisions about how they interact with a new environment.

The Book! (Affiliate Link):

The Ideal, Non-Pandemic Birthday Party

Last year, when my daughter turned three, she and her best friend had a joint, Frozen-themed birthday party at the local JCC. We were able to rent the outdoor, fully-fenced playground for a few hours in the late morning, and even hired a very convincing Elsa impersonator.

For the first 30-40 minutes of the party, the kids played on the playground. They were thrilled to have the equipment to themselves, and played in a pretty self-directed manner for most of that time. Then, “Elsa” arrived, and the “planned” festivities began.

“Real Elsa” was, admittedly, kind of expensive, but I think that a parent could easily have played the same role (minus the full costume and makeup). Essentially, Elsa came in (to many a scream of delight and awe), told the kids the story of Frozen, and sang a few songs with them. There was a photo-op, and then she was done (because 3 and 4-year-olds can only sit still–even for Elsa–for so long).

Elsa-time was followed by cake, snacks, the handing out of party favors (books of course) and a quick goodbye. It was simple, but active enough that the kids left happy, tired and ready for a nap. If I could have done the exact same party this year, I would have; it was that big of a hit, and that little planning or mess for me. It also happened to check most of the boxes Ames and Ilg set out for the ideal, developmentally-appropriate, little-kid birthday party.

The Just-As-Great Pandemic Party

This year, with the pandemic still in full swing, it didn’t feel safe, or responsible to invite a bunch of kids to a public playground for shared snacks and drinks. So, we stuck with a few trusted friends from our preschool pod, and tried our best to recreate the experience in our backyard. This year’s theme (chosen by the birthday girl, of course) was “Princess Party.”

We have a total of three families in the pod, each with two children, so the number of guests actually worked out to be exactly what Ames and Ilg recommend. When the kids arrived, they all headed out to the backyard to play on the climbing structure and playhouse. While we’ve had these two structures in the yard for over a year now, they are practically invisible to my children until a non-family member shows some kind of interest in them.

After a brief self-directed play period, I whipped out a quick craft for the big kids. I found these Melissa and Doug Magic Wands on Amazon, and since my daughter currently believes that all princesses also have magical powers, I thought they would be appreciated. The girls all seemed to enjoy painting and decorating the wands (which they also got to take home as a sort of “favor” at the end of the party). After crafting, and, admittedly, consuming a taste or two of non-toxic paint, the kids went off for more free play, followed by a stab at the “punch pinata.”

The punch pinata was an idea I got from a very creative teacher-friend after Margot requested a real pinata about a week or so before her party. While I’m definitely a fan of pinatas, I think they can be tough for little kids, as someone always feels slighted, either during the hitting, or the collecting of toys and candy. I’ll include the full directions for how to make a punch pinata below, but it’s basically just a poster-board containing several tissue-paper-covered holes, which kids can “punch” through and grab a toy or treat. This type of pinata is great for little kids, as it allows everyone to have a turn, and come away with a similar prize.

After pinata time, the kids ate pizza, sang happy birthday, ate cake, and got ready to go home. While the party was super simple, my daughter was totally thrilled by it. She loved being the center of attention, but wasn’t overstimulated by too many people doting on her. While she did receive some special presents, her friends also walked away with some fun stuff too, which helped curb the jealousy that is pretty typical at this age.

And, equally as importantly, my husband and I went to bed at night only slightly more tired than usual, with a clean house, and satisfied, sleepy kids.

So, if you’re feeling stressed about planning the “perfect” party for your soon-to-be four-year-old (or any “year-old” for that matter), cut yourself some slack. The “perfect” party doesn’t have to be elaborate and exhausting. In fact, your kid (and YOU) might enjoy it even more if you stress less, and set the kids up to mostly entertain themselves.

If you found this helpful, let me know in the comments! And for more pics of the party-planning process, and the final result, you can follow me on Instagram @thepaperdart.

DIY Punch Pinata Details

A Pinata that does not require glue, or tears, and that’s easy enough for your husband to finish making while you panic-frost the cake 10 minutes before your guests arrive?! I’m sold. Here are the steps:

Cut six, evenly-spaced out circles into a piece of poster-board. I didn’t bother to measure the spacing, and it turned out fine. I also invested in this handy-dandy circle cutter to get the job done in a slightly more professional manner. (Word of warning, the circle cutter does leave little punch marks in the poster board outside of the circles (that’s what my lovely, “princess jewels” are covering up…).
Cover each hole (from the back of the poster board) with tissue paper. I used three layers of paper over each hole to make it opaque enough that the kids couldn’t see the prize inside. Tape the tissue paper securely on all edges.

3. Place a toy or prize on top of the tissue paper (again, on the back of the poster board). You’ll want to pick prizes that aren’t too heavy, or they may fall out of the bag before the kids can get to them.

4. Open a paper lunch bag and cut it, length-wise and down the middle, to the bottom of the bag. Then, cut along one side of the bottom, and splay the sides of the bag open. Tape the open side of the paper bag to the poster board so that it covers the toy, and the entirety of the tissue-paper-covered hole. Do your best to tuck in the top of the bag and get it taped down as securely as possible. You will want the bag to be able to hold the weight of the toy/prize even when the board is hanging up by it’s side. (My tape job looked pretty sloppy, but it doesn’t really matter, as no one will be looking at the back).

5. Hang the poster board up on some kind of ledge (ours is hanging off our kitchen bar counter). You could also run a string along the top of the board and hang it from a branch or tree.

6. Line those kiddos up and give each one a turn punching in a hole and grabbing out a prize!

Transitioning from 1 to 2 kids is a lot. For you, and for your first. But now that my youngest is 2 years old, I can honestly say that adding another to our family was the best decision we ever made. My kids are two years apart and the best of friends. So much so that we even decided to add a third to the mix! Below, I’ve mapped out all the best advice I received before my second was born, as well as a few things I learned along the way. I hope it’s of use to you during this magical (albeit daunting) time, and don’t forget to enjoy the ride!

If you can, have your toddler meet a newborn. Or look at pictures and videos of one. When we first told our daughter that a baby brother was on the way, she was thrilled. She was 18 months at the time, and was just beginning to grasp the idea of other kids. As my pregnancy progressed, I noticed that people like grandparents and caregivers would always try to hype her up by asking if she was going to “play with” and “take care of” the baby. While these comments were well-meaning, they were also a little misleading, because, as most people who have ever met a newborn know, they should not be cared for by a two-year-old, nor can they, in any sense of the word, “play.” So, my husband and I made an effort to introduce M to some newborns (this was easy since she was in preschool with a LOT of kids who had new siblings). Thankfully, the more babies she met, and the more we talked about how small, fragile, and sleepy they were, the more she began to realize that her brother would be more of a thing to look at, than a playmate (for the first several months at least). While this was definitely a little disappointing for her, I think it was so much better that she came to this realization early, instead of being disappointed later. And despite being fully aware of the nature of a newborn, M still had to work through some frustrations and resentments when he arrived–but hopefully less than she may have, had she still been expecting us to come home from the hospital with a one year old.

Acclimate your toddler to other caregivers. Before the birth of my son, my daughter had been in daycare full-time. She had the occasional weekend babysitter, and had been watched, overnight, by her grandparents. Because of this, she had some experience with mom and dad leaving, and always coming back, which is crucial to ensuring that your toddler feels safe when you head off for a day (or several) to give birth. This time around, my son has very little remembered experience being separated from mom and dad for any extended period of time. His daycare closed last March, and he has been home with me ever since. While we would have been more than happy to leave him at home with a babysitter for the weekend, we haven’t really had anywhere to go… So our current plan is to have a sitter come several times in the next few months and at least help him learn to go to sleep with someone else. It’s far from a perfect situation, but better than leaving him to scream for three hours with grandma and grandpa, only to come home the next day and spring a baby on him…
Start training your toddler for their “big brother” or “big sister” jobs. Toddlers love to be seen as “grown up” and responsible.” And parents love when their toddlers are busy. When my son was born, my daughter knew how to put diapers away, fold kitchen towels, find her brother’s clothes in his drawers, and do a few other simple tasks. While she didn’t necessarily do these things well, they helped solidify her role as “big sister,” and gave her something to do when she was bored, and I was desperate.

Work out a “toddler-time” schedule with your partner or other caregivers. If your toddler is anything like my first was, they are the center of your universe. Before my son was born, weekends revolved around park playdates and M’s nap schedule. Transitioning from a life all about you, to a life all about baby, can be kind of traumatizing for kids. So, it’s important to make sure you schedule some alone time with your big kid, and allow them daily opportunities to still feel seen and special, despite their new role.
Be honest about where babies come from. Some people have easy deliveries, and are back to running around the neighborhood by the end of the week. I was not one of these people. After my son was born, my gigantic belly was gone, but I still didn’t feel good. There was also a lot of (TMI warning) blood, and cramping, and sore, leaking boobs–all of which were, at some point or other, visible to my daughter. Even though they’re naturally very self-centered, toddlers are also super observant, and my daughter was, on several occasions, alarmed by the physical changes she noticed in me during the postpartum period. While it might be easier to claim that a stork brought baby brother to the front door in the middle of the night, my personal opinion is that it’s better to tell the truth (without being too graphic), and to explain that all of the “ouchies” that come with having a baby are relatively small, and temporary, and that they’ll all heal with a little time and rest.
Organize a gift exchange between your toddler and the new baby. Toddlers are suckers for gifts. Encouraging them to pick something out for the new baby will help them practice an important life skill of putting others first, and receiving something from their sibling will start the relationship out on a positive foot. I chose to get my daughter a doll and a mini stroller “from brother,” in hopes that she could use them to “play mama,” when real mama was busy.
Read all the new baby picture books. My daughter and I spent a lot of time reading books about new babies, and becoming a big sister. I credit many of these books with really helping her wrap her head around what her new role was going to be like. Reading “new baby” books with your toddler will also provide the opportunity for you, as the parent, to ask your child questions about how they’re feeling, or what they’re concerned about. Reading together is also a great way to bond with your toddler, and remind them that, despite the shrinking lap space, you’re still there for them. I have linked several of my favorite books on this topic at the end of the post, so be sure to check that out!
Make sure that your toddler has his/her own space. Even if your kids will be sharing a room, it’s important for the big kid to have his or her own space. Newborns come with a lot of stuff, and it will help your toddler maintain some sense of normalcy if they have a room, or even just a corner of the playroom, that stays entirely the same even after their sibling arrives. My daughter ended up spending a good amount of “alone time” in her closet after brother arrived, so we just threw a pillow and some stuffies in there and let her do what she needed to do to cope.

Try not to introduce any other major changes. Unless you live in a sprawling estate, your toddler will most likely hear your newborn wake up in the middle of the night. They will also surely notice that mom and dad are exhausted, that snacks and meals aren’t made as quickly, and that their sibling sure seems to have a lot of needs. These changes are all very difficult for kids to deal with, but it helps if the rest of their lives stay the same. While I definitely do have a friend or two who pulled their older kid out of daycare or preschool when a new sibling was born, and reported that it worked out well for everyone, I had the opposite experience. In the beginning, I thought my daughter would want to be home with mom, dad, grandma and baby, but in the end, going back to her regular routine of school, friends, and teachers seemed to make the transition easier. Now the caveat here is that school (and parks, and gyms, and indoor playgrounds) are breeding grounds for germs. And if you choose to keep up with your toddler’s activities outside of the home, you have to accept the risk that the germs your toddler inevitably brings home will probably make their way to baby. Building the immune system, right?
Expect regressions. Is your toddler potty trained? Get ready for some accidents. Have they been sleeping through the night for years? welcome to wake-up town. Are they generally well-mannered and polite? Here comes the threenager! Toddlers and young children don’t have a lot of stress-reduction strategies in their toolkit, and because of this, they’re probably going to demand your help in some new, and less-than-desirable ways once baby arrives. Just remember that all of these regressions are temporary (they won’t poop in the closet for their rest of their lives…), and totally normal. I found it best to respond to all the accidents and meltdowns with compassion first, and firm boundaries second.
Bonus: Have special nursing or feeding-time toys. On the days when I was alone with my newborn and my toddler, the hardest part of the day was nursing time (and yes, that happens like 10 million times a day). There was something about my son being attached to my body that my daughter really didn’t like. Sometimes she would cry, and sometimes she would climb on me, and sometimes she would wreck havoc on the house. So, I took a few special toys (and even added a new one), and put them in a “nursing basket” that only came out of the closet when brother needed to eat. This made nursing time more exciting for my daughter, and even the process of retrieving the basket and putting it away again provided me with a few minutes of relative peace and quiet.

Our nursing-time toys: My daughter’s special nursing time basket (she was about 2 years old at the time) contained this buckle backpack (she loved fastening and unfastening the buckles, as well as filling the backpack with miscelaneous items), an LCD doodle board similar to this one, and this leapfrog laptop. I’m not normally a huge fan of electronic toys, and the laptop can definitely get a little annoying at full volume, but it kept her engaged for feedings, and she definitely learned a thing or two about her letters.

Best Kid’s Books About New Babies and Becoming a Big Sibling

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! While finding the time to make and deliver Pinterest-perfect class valentines was never at the top of my list as a working mom, now that I’m home, I have found that I actually really enjoy having a little bit of extra time and energy to help my daughter make some cutesy Valentine’s Day crafts. Even though most of these will inevitably make their way into someone else’s trash can, I’m hoping that the process of making and giving these items away will also teach her a little something about friendship, and the power of a small act of kindness.

Before embarking on our crafting journey, Margot and I read the WONDERFUL book “In My Heart,” by Jo Witek (linked below). While it’s not necessarily a Valentine’s book, it is all about “hearts,” and I love how it personifies (and makes accessible for kids) the wide array of feelings our hearts can have throughout the course of a day. The art in this book also inspired our first craft of the season: our “feelings of the heart” googly eye garland.

Feelings of the Heart Googly-Eye Garland

My bookshelf and I both love a good garland. And I also love encouraging my alomst-4-year-old to practice her fine motor skills. This garland was a mixture of painted hearts, and decoupaged ones, but you could easily pick one medium or the other instead of doing both. While we’ll be keeping this first attempt for our own home, we plan on making another for a friend later next week.

Supply List

The supplies for this craft are as follows, and I have linked the exact items I purchased at the bottom of this section.

Wooden craft hearts
Twine
Tissue paper
Washable tempura paint
School glue
Paint brushes
Small jam jars (to pre-portion paint)
Stick-on googly eyes
Scissors

In my house, I try my best to set crafts up in a minimalist, Montessori-ish style. This means that I prep the supplies in advance, and make sure that the kids only have access to a modest amount of things like paint, glue, or tissue paper. This helps kids feel less overwhelmed by the task in front of them, and encourages them to use supplies responsibly.

We started by choosing which colors of tissue paper we wanted to use, and them my daughter was tasked with the work of cutting it into small, odd-shaped pieces. Working with scissors in this way is still a little challenging for her, but important for helping her develop better hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills.

Once we had a pile of tissue paper scraps, we painted our wooden hearts with glue, and set work decoupaging. As you can likely see, my daughter did some on her own, and some with my guidance, but both turned out pretty fun.

While we waited for those to dry, we grabbed our pre-filled jam jars of paint, and set to work painting the remaining hearts. When all of the painting and gluing had dried (later that afternoon for us), we went back and added googly eyes and facial expressions to our hearts. This is where I reviewed the premise of “In My Heart” with my daughter, and we talked about what each of the hearts we had made might be feeling.

I have to say, the resulting lanyard is pretty cute, and who doesn’t love a good cyclops heart on Valentine’s day?

Supplies (Links)

We also have these tempura paint pens (Kwik Stix), and while we didn’t use them this time around, I definitely will if we choose to involve my 2-year-old in making any more of these hearts. They’re paint-based, so they work well on wood, but are way less messy than actual paint.

Contact Paper “Sun Catcher” Heart

I love contact paper. The crafting and laminating options are seriously endless with this stuff. For basically every season, my daughter and I have used contact paper to make “sun catchers” in the shapes of everything from Christmas trees and Menorahs to hearts and pumpkins.

Making the sun catcher is extraordinarily simple, and will use some of the same supplies as the previous craft. First, you will want to cut the outline of a heart out of construction paper (I won’t tell you how to do this, because I am assuming you, too, went to kindergarten). You then roll out a sheet of contact paper, and tape it down to something (we usually do the table, but you could also tape it directly to the window or door that you hope to feature it on later). Once the contact paper is secure (sticky-side facing OUT), you can stick the construction paper outline right on it.

Your child now has an outline they can fill in with the bits of tissue paper they already cut up for craft #1. In the past, we have also added sequins, glitter, or the tiny construction paper circles that live in our hole-puncher, but I’ll leave the level of mess determination up to you.

When your child has finished filling up the interior of the heart, you can layer another piece of contact paper down on top of it (sticky-sides touching), and smooth it out. Cut the extra contact paper off around the outside of the construction paper outline and voila! You’ve got a sun-catcher.

Supplies and Links

Contact paper
Tissue paper
Construction paper
Scissors

Wood Bead Necklace

This last craft was inspired by my son’s love of wooden beads. That kid can sit for a solid 20 minutes, stringing giant beads onto a piece of twine, dumping them off, and doing it all over again on repeat.

So, when I sat down to ponder what he might enjoy making for his babysitter / my daughter’s pre-school teacher, beads were the first thing that came to mind.

Painting beads, even for a 4-year old, can be a bit challenging, so instead of using a paintbrush, we grabbed the tiny glass jars we use for portioning and storing paint, and filled them will a small amount of whichever color each child chose. Then, both kids (2 and 4) dropped their beads directly into the jars, screwed the lids back on, and shook them up. Once it looked like the bead was covered in paint, the kids dumped the beads onto the paper-covered table, and let them be. You could add a step and roll the wet beads in sparkles or glitter, but I had already vacuumed 3 times before we started this craft, so the glitter was staying securely in the craft cart.

My older daughter also helped me paint a few of the beads with glue, and then decoupage them with the leftover tissue paper. I think the combination looks pretty adorable, and while our beloved preschool teacher will likely never wear this eccentric piece of jewelry, I think my daughter took a lot of pride in making it for her (and I’ll be sending it over with a bottle of wine anyway).

Supplies and Links

Paint, twine and mini jam jars linked above
Wooden beads (we ordered the 30 mm version of the brand linked below and they fit well in the mini jars).

More Crafting Awaits!

If you’re in the market for even more adorable Valentine’s Day craft ideas, head over to my friend Asheigh’s site. Ashleigh is an accomplished gardener, cook, and fellow lover of great kid’s books and activities. She recently did a roundup of some of the most beautiful crafts she and her kids have done over the past few years, and it’s definitely worth checking out.

Books

Now, if you’ve made it to the end of this post, and already feel exhausted by the thought of actually planning and executing any of these crafts, I feel you. So here are a few Valentine’s-related books that you can read instead–they’re less mess, but get the same message across, and you can even re-gift them as “Valentines” when you’re done.