The Paper Dart
An ode to creativity and distraction

The “Perfect” Four-Year-Old Birthday Party

The Research

Is there research on 4-year-old birthday parties? Why yes, there is! Why, you ask? Because anything that causes adults and children alike a great deal of stress and discontent (and, sure, joy too) is worth studying.

When “researching” what the heck to do for my child’s pandemic-era fourth birthday party earlier this month, I turned to my favorite (and, not unrelatedly, shortest) parenting book collection: the Your ___-Year-Old series by Louise Bates Ames and Frances L. Ilg. I already owned and enjoyed years 1-3 in the series, so I felt pretty confident that picking up a copy of Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful, would provide some return-on-investment. Especially since it contains an entire chapter on birthday parties.

While a single party may seem insignificant in the scheme of an entire year of child development (why even write a chapter on it?), birthdays are formative experiences for kids, and I found the information provided both enlightening and reassuring (spoiler alert: you don’t have to hire the clown and the balloon artist).

Before I go on, I’m not here to criticize an over-the-top birthday party. I enjoy a good champagne-fueled, backyard petting zoo as much as the next person. But putting those kinds of events together takes a lot of work, as well as a level of energy that I just don’t have most days. Plus, we’re still living in the midst of a pandemic, and the less people (and livestock) I invite into my backyard these days, the better.

Thankfully, Ames and Ilg assert that a small, simple, and short party is what’s most developmentally appropriate for most four-year-olds. First, they suggest an ideal number of guests of around 6-8 kids, and a preferred time frame of about an hour and a half. The limited number of guests prevents social anxiety or overwhelm (for the kids and adults…), and the time frame gives kids enough time to eat, play, open presents, and leave without totally destroying the house. Additionally, it ensures that most kids leave before reaching the point of exhaustion, over-stimulation (or, God forbid, both).

Ames also suggests that you keep games and activities as simple as possible. Kids will already be distracted by their friends and new environment, and won’t be able to attend to too many rules or steps. And while four-year-olds are much more competent inter-personal players than twos and threes, they still struggle with extended, adult-directed group play, and would oftentimes rather engage in an activity alone, but in the proximity of their friends.

Lastly, Ames suggests giving kids plenty of time to “free play.” I think that parents (including myself) often feel like we have to plan out every minute of a party, lest the kids get “bored” and turn on us, but this really isn’t true. Four-year-olds especially are incredibly creative, imaginative, and self-directed, and usually appreciate being able to make their own decisions about how they interact with a new environment.

The Book! (Affiliate Link):

The Ideal, Non-Pandemic Birthday Party

Last year, when my daughter turned three, she and her best friend had a joint, Frozen-themed birthday party at the local JCC. We were able to rent the outdoor, fully-fenced playground for a few hours in the late morning, and even hired a very convincing Elsa impersonator.

For the first 30-40 minutes of the party, the kids played on the playground. They were thrilled to have the equipment to themselves, and played in a pretty self-directed manner for most of that time. Then, “Elsa” arrived, and the “planned” festivities began.

“Real Elsa” was, admittedly, kind of expensive, but I think that a parent could easily have played the same role (minus the full costume and makeup). Essentially, Elsa came in (to many a scream of delight and awe), told the kids the story of Frozen, and sang a few songs with them. There was a photo-op, and then she was done (because 3 and 4-year-olds can only sit still–even for Elsa–for so long).

Elsa-time was followed by cake, snacks, the handing out of party favors (books of course) and a quick goodbye. It was simple, but active enough that the kids left happy, tired and ready for a nap. If I could have done the exact same party this year, I would have; it was that big of a hit, and that little planning or mess for me. It also happened to check most of the boxes Ames and Ilg set out for the ideal, developmentally-appropriate, little-kid birthday party.

The Just-As-Great Pandemic Party

This year, with the pandemic still in full swing, it didn’t feel safe, or responsible to invite a bunch of kids to a public playground for shared snacks and drinks. So, we stuck with a few trusted friends from our preschool pod, and tried our best to recreate the experience in our backyard. This year’s theme (chosen by the birthday girl, of course) was “Princess Party.”

We have a total of three families in the pod, each with two children, so the number of guests actually worked out to be exactly what Ames and Ilg recommend. When the kids arrived, they all headed out to the backyard to play on the climbing structure and playhouse. While we’ve had these two structures in the yard for over a year now, they are practically invisible to my children until a non-family member shows some kind of interest in them.

After a brief self-directed play period, I whipped out a quick craft for the big kids. I found these Melissa and Doug Magic Wands on Amazon, and since my daughter currently believes that all princesses also have magical powers, I thought they would be appreciated. The girls all seemed to enjoy painting and decorating the wands (which they also got to take home as a sort of “favor” at the end of the party). After crafting, and, admittedly, consuming a taste or two of non-toxic paint, the kids went off for more free play, followed by a stab at the “punch pinata.”

The punch pinata was an idea I got from a very creative teacher-friend after Margot requested a real pinata about a week or so before her party. While I’m definitely a fan of pinatas, I think they can be tough for little kids, as someone always feels slighted, either during the hitting, or the collecting of toys and candy. I’ll include the full directions for how to make a punch pinata below, but it’s basically just a poster-board containing several tissue-paper-covered holes, which kids can “punch” through and grab a toy or treat. This type of pinata is great for little kids, as it allows everyone to have a turn, and come away with a similar prize.

After pinata time, the kids ate pizza, sang happy birthday, ate cake, and got ready to go home. While the party was super simple, my daughter was totally thrilled by it. She loved being the center of attention, but wasn’t overstimulated by too many people doting on her. While she did receive some special presents, her friends also walked away with some fun stuff too, which helped curb the jealousy that is pretty typical at this age.

And, equally as importantly, my husband and I went to bed at night only slightly more tired than usual, with a clean house, and satisfied, sleepy kids.

So, if you’re feeling stressed about planning the “perfect” party for your soon-to-be four-year-old (or any “year-old” for that matter), cut yourself some slack. The “perfect” party doesn’t have to be elaborate and exhausting. In fact, your kid (and YOU) might enjoy it even more if you stress less, and set the kids up to mostly entertain themselves.

If you found this helpful, let me know in the comments! And for more pics of the party-planning process, and the final result, you can follow me on Instagram @thepaperdart.

DIY Punch Pinata Details

A Pinata that does not require glue, or tears, and that’s easy enough for your husband to finish making while you panic-frost the cake 10 minutes before your guests arrive?! I’m sold. Here are the steps:

  1. Cut six, evenly-spaced out circles into a piece of poster-board. I didn’t bother to measure the spacing, and it turned out fine. I also invested in this handy-dandy circle cutter to get the job done in a slightly more professional manner. (Word of warning, the circle cutter does leave little punch marks in the poster board outside of the circles (that’s what my lovely, “princess jewels” are covering up…).
  2. Cover each hole (from the back of the poster board) with tissue paper. I used three layers of paper over each hole to make it opaque enough that the kids couldn’t see the prize inside. Tape the tissue paper securely on all edges.

3. Place a toy or prize on top of the tissue paper (again, on the back of the poster board). You’ll want to pick prizes that aren’t too heavy, or they may fall out of the bag before the kids can get to them.

4. Open a paper lunch bag and cut it, length-wise and down the middle, to the bottom of the bag. Then, cut along one side of the bottom, and splay the sides of the bag open. Tape the open side of the paper bag to the poster board so that it covers the toy, and the entirety of the tissue-paper-covered hole. Do your best to tuck in the top of the bag and get it taped down as securely as possible. You will want the bag to be able to hold the weight of the toy/prize even when the board is hanging up by it’s side. (My tape job looked pretty sloppy, but it doesn’t really matter, as no one will be looking at the back).

5. Hang the poster board up on some kind of ledge (ours is hanging off our kitchen bar counter). You could also run a string along the top of the board and hang it from a branch or tree.

6. Line those kiddos up and give each one a turn punching in a hole and grabbing out a prize!

The Best, Diverse Short Story Collections for Busy Ladies (And Dudes, and Teens).

Here’s the deal: I don’t have a lot of time to read. And, if it’s been an especially long day, because the kids didn’t sleep, or the dog ate a dead bird at the park (that may have been today), by the time I do have a chance to sit down and read, my attention span is pretty comparable to that of a fruit fly (or a middle schooler after lunch).

So, short stories are really my jam. I love being able to read something deep, and thought-provoking, from beginning to end, in one night. Then, I can put the book down, spend the next four nights watching The Bachelor and scrolling Instagram, and eventually come back to my more intellectual pursuits without missing a beat (or having to re-read those first four chapters all over again).

In hopes that you, too, will fall in love with the genre, I’ve compiled a list of my absolute favorite short story collections (a few of which, TBH, I haven’t actually finished yet). The majority of those included on this list are written for adults, but I threw in one awesome YA option as well (heads up all you teachers of the middle grades).

I hope you find something you love, or that helps you see the world from a new perspective, or, even better, happens to do both.

The Short Story Book List:

Lot by Bryan Washington: Bryan Washington‘s stories are painfully real, and raw, but simultaneously lyrical and heartwarming. Washington has the magical ability to depict the messy, awkward, traumatic, and tragic events of everyday life in a way that is eye-opening, without being too precious or on the nose thematically. What I love most about this book is that the stories are all interrelated, but can also be read and understood in isolation. The collection tells the stories of the array of characters whose lives intersect in some way with the “protagonist’s”–an LGBTQ+, biracial young boy who is “coming of age” in a rapidly gentrifying part of Houston. I had to read some of these stories a few times over, not because the language itself is difficult, but because the narratives weren’t as “tidy” as I’m used to. This novel was so fresh and fascinating, and I can’t wait to read more of what Bryan Washington has to offer.

Buy It Here:

The Office of Historical Corrections by Danielle Evans: This was a recent Book of the Month selection and I’ve really been trying to savor it. As of this week, I’ve only read the first three stories, so I can’t speak to the entire book, but so far, so GREAT. Each of the stories I’ve read thus far is timely and thought-provoking. While each one deals with issues of race, gender, intolerance, and the role of social media in setting the boundaries of what our society considers socially acceptable, there was one in particular that really struck me, and that I have continued to think about for weeks. This story in particular follows a “troubled” college student as she almost “accidentally” (?) morphs into a more controversial version of herself. And, when she finally takes a minute to look around and observe how she is being perceived, she doesn’t backtrack, or apologize, but, instead, further embraces her new persona, and continues to push the boundaries, just to see if she can. The story is strange and fascinating and got me thinking about what really motivates people to so wholeheartedly embrace and endorse certain controversial beliefs and perspectives.

Buy It Here:

Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri: Pulitzer Prize Winner Alert! I actually read this story collection in college, after I was required to read one of Lahiri’s other books, The Namesake. Both of these books are still on my living room shelf, as they were my first real introduction to new immigrant literature (not sure if that’s a real genre?). Both The Namesake and The Interpreter of Maladies focus on the protagonist’s struggle to assimilate to a new culture, while simultaneously clinging to, or being pulled back by, the emotional and physical ties of “home” (despite the fact that home isn’t really the right word for it anymore). Lahiri is a lyrical storyteller and a masterful shaper of real and complex characters, many of whom I still think about years after reading about them.

Buy It Here:

The Paper Menagerie by Ken Liu: This is a really fascinating and versatile collection of short stories. Including a blend of historical and science fiction, dystopia, fantasy, and a few more realistic depictions of the immigrant and/or human experience. ALL of these stories taught me something new, and really made me think, but I think my favorite was probably the last story, The Man Who Ended History: A Documentary, in which scientists invent a time machine that will allow one person to travel back in time to the Japanese occupation of Manchuria, and hold those responsible for the atrocities committed there accountable. This story opened my eyes to an important part of world history I previously did not know much about, but also posed some pretty deep philosophical questions about what history actually is, and who it “belongs” to. I would definitely recommend getting a hard copy (vs. audiobook) of this one, as you will probably want to annotate it.

Buy It Here:

The Yellow Wallpaper, Herland, and Selected Stories by Charlotte Perkins Gillman: I’ve talked this one up before, and won’t stop now! This story collection was written in the early 1900s, and is a must-read for anyone even remotely interested in feminist literature. “The Yellow Wallpaper” is part horror story, part feminist critique of the ways in which perinatal mental health disorders were, and still are, so often ignored and misunderstood by mainstream society. It is probably one of the most personally influential short stories I’ve ever read. The rest of the stories in this collection are simultaneously diverse and congruous, and would be great fodder for a woman’s circle or feminist book club. (If you start one, invite me please!)

Buy It Here:

Flying Lessons and Other Stories: This is an anthology of young adult short stories by some of the GREATS of both YA and children’s literature, including Ellen Oh, Jaqueline Woodson, Matt De La Pena, Kwame Alexander, etc. Most of these stories could be classified as “coming of age” tales, but the characters, settings and experiences are so much more textured and diverse than the stories I personally grew up reading. There are several LGBTQ+ stories included in this collection, and it’s an eye-opening and inspiring read for both kids and adults.

Buy It Here:

Lessons from a “Worrysaurus”: How I Cope With Anxiety

Worrysaurus by Chris Chatterton really speaks to my anxious soul. When I was little, there weren’t a lot of kid’s books about worriers. I oftentimes felt like I was the only one who felt, as Worrysaurus calls them “butterflies,” on a nearly daily basis. As I’ve grown up, I’ve realized I’m far from alone in my worrying, and have finally come to really accept and believe in the fact that “If it’s not a happy ending, then it hasn’t ended yet.”

In honor of this lovely book, and the way in which it aims to teach kids (and adults) how to put their worries in perspective, I’m here to share with you all a few of the tips and tricks that I’ve learned over the years to help me cope with the “butterflies” that still pop up from time to time.

I hope you enjoy the post, and maybe even incorporate some of these strategies into your own daily routines!

1. Ask myself: Can I control it? Can I change it? The biggest, and arguably most important thing I have started doing as an adult to temper my anxiety is to really purposefully evaluate which of my stressors are “worth” stressing over, and which are not. If I’m worried about an evaluation at work, or being prepared for a big day of activities with the kids, “worrying” (to some degree) may actually help encourage me to prepare more and work harder. But when I’m worried about feeling awkward at a party, or my kids contracting some terrible disease, or aliens descending upon my neighborhood, worrying isn’t going to do much to solve the problem. Sometimes, when I’m working through a particular worry, I find it helpful to write down which parts of the issue are, and aren’t, within my locus of control. While the answers are often obvious, I find that putting them on paper (or even in a nice little venn diagram) helps me visualize that the components of the problem I actually can, or should, try to control are relatively small, and much more manageable than I might have initially thought.

2. Affirmations: After my son got sick, I became a little OCD about germs. I was terrified to let him touch anything, or be around anyone, because I was so scared of being a “bad mom” again and somehow allowing him to contract round 2 of viral meningitis. I ended up going to see a therapist to talk about what I knew was becoming a problem and she reminded me that this thing I was so afraid of (my infant son falling ill) had already happened. And, at the time that it happened, I had noticed it, and dealt with it. Even though the experience sucked, we got through it, and that, in itself, should serve as a testament to me of what I was capable of. So now, whenever I find myself worrying about something (a potential illness, or injury in particular), I remind myself that I’ve been there, and done that, and if/when it happens again, I can handle it.

3. Take a high quality omega-3 and B-complex vitamins: Weirdly enough, there are plenty of studies that suggest regular use of high-quality fish oils and B-vitamins are effective in decreasing the symptoms of depression and anxiety. I take both regularly, and while it’s hard for me to prove causation in myself, I honestly think they help. I prefer the Nordic Naturals brand of fish oils, and the Garden of Life B-Complex (always look for a B vitamin that includes FOLATE vs. folic acid, as the latter has been linked to an increased risk of breast cancer in women).

4. Grounding: So this one sounds like true hocus pocus, but actual scientific studies have proven that “grounding” (the process of putting your bare feet and/or hands on the ground for at least 10 minutes a day) can decrease cortisol levels. It has to be the actual earth (not your hardwood floors), and doing it in the sunshine is even better. I’m lucky enough to live in a place where I’m able to walk around barefoot pretty much any time of the year, and I try to make a real effort to do it daily.

5. Journaling: Putting my thoughts on paper is the best way I know how to reflect. If I’m having trouble writing something, that’s probably because I haven’t really worked out what I think or feel about it. And while I think that the process of putting my thoughts on paper is important in and of itself, I think that re-reading my journal entries is also a great way of re-evaluating my past beliefs and checking in on my growth.

6. Audiobooks: Sometimes I’m not ready to really “process” my worries. Or I’m too tired to do it effectively. In those cases, I enjoy escaping into a good story. It’s even better if I can listen to a good book, while also doing something with my hands (doodling, knitting, crafting, etc.). I think that working through our worries can require a lot of energy and head-space, and it’s ok to admit to yourself when you just don’t have that.

7. Connecting with others: Talking to friends always makes me feel better. Sharing my fears and anxieties often makes me feel less alone, and and somehow more in control. There have been times during this pandemic when I have really opened up about my struggles to people I didn’t know super well, and, to be honest, I never regretted it. Even though worry and anxiety can make us feel so alone at times, we are far from the only ones who experience it, and sharing it with friends, or even just acquaintances, can be a good way to remind ourselves of that fact.

8. Using my planner: This one’s simple. I’m pretty disorganized. And it causes me stress. When I actually commit to using my planner, I feel better. Now I just have to get my lazy bum to do it consistently…

9. Cuddling the pups: Petting a dog releases serotonin in your brain, and decreases cortisol levels. My pets are like a living, breathing, non-prescription Xanax, and a good cuddle sesh always makes me feel better.

10. Moderate exercise: I used to be a big runner, but I found that the more I did it, the more I started to feel depleted, instead of energized. I think that, in adulthood in particular, it’s important to really listen to how your body responds to exercise. For me, a brisk walk, or a strength-based workout, helps curb my anxiety, and leaves me feeling a lot more energized than the long runs I used to turn to in times of stress.

11. Cutting down on the caffeine, and the wine: As much as I hate to admit it, caffeine and booze definitely ramp up my anxiety. On the other hand, I have two small children who don’t always sleep through the night (so coffee is oftentimes crucial), and I really enjoy a glass of pinot noir. So, I do my best to limit both. While I used to drink a truly enormous mug of coffee on my way to work every day, I now try to stick to one half-caf cup a day. (And I always drink it after a full glass of water). I also still drink a glass or two of wine here and there (when not pregnant, obviously), but try to save it for occasions when I’m already feeling good, instead of using wine to cope with life’s daily stressors. (Although I’m admittedly far from perfect on that front…)

12. Tiny apartment tours: When all else fails, I turn to YouTube. For some reason, I find tours of tiny New York City apartments to be super relaxing. There’s something about people who are extraordinarily organized, and who live (by themselves) in adorably compact spaces, that really chills me out. I can’t totally explain it, but it works.

10 Tips for Transitioning from One Kid to Two.

Transitioning from 1 to 2 kids is a lot. For you, and for your first. But now that my youngest is 2 years old, I can honestly say that adding another to our family was the best decision we ever made. My kids are two years apart and the best of friends. So much so that we even decided to add a third to the mix! Below, I’ve mapped out all the best advice I received before my second was born, as well as a few things I learned along the way. I hope it’s of use to you during this magical (albeit daunting) time, and don’t forget to enjoy the ride!

  1. If you can, have your toddler meet a newborn. Or look at pictures and videos of one. When we first told our daughter that a baby brother was on the way, she was thrilled. She was 18 months at the time, and was just beginning to grasp the idea of other kids. As my pregnancy progressed, I noticed that people like grandparents and caregivers would always try to hype her up by asking if she was going to “play with” and “take care of” the baby. While these comments were well-meaning, they were also a little misleading, because, as most people who have ever met a newborn know, they should not be cared for by a two-year-old, nor can they, in any sense of the word, “play.” So, my husband and I made an effort to introduce M to some newborns (this was easy since she was in preschool with a LOT of kids who had new siblings). Thankfully, the more babies she met, and the more we talked about how small, fragile, and sleepy they were, the more she began to realize that her brother would be more of a thing to look at, than a playmate (for the first several months at least). While this was definitely a little disappointing for her, I think it was so much better that she came to this realization early, instead of being disappointed later. And despite being fully aware of the nature of a newborn, M still had to work through some frustrations and resentments when he arrived–but hopefully less than she may have, had she still been expecting us to come home from the hospital with a one year old.
M’s first week as a big sister!
  1. Acclimate your toddler to other caregivers. Before the birth of my son, my daughter had been in daycare full-time. She had the occasional weekend babysitter, and had been watched, overnight, by her grandparents. Because of this, she had some experience with mom and dad leaving, and always coming back, which is crucial to ensuring that your toddler feels safe when you head off for a day (or several) to give birth. This time around, my son has very little remembered experience being separated from mom and dad for any extended period of time. His daycare closed last March, and he has been home with me ever since. While we would have been more than happy to leave him at home with a babysitter for the weekend, we haven’t really had anywhere to go… So our current plan is to have a sitter come several times in the next few months and at least help him learn to go to sleep with someone else. It’s far from a perfect situation, but better than leaving him to scream for three hours with grandma and grandpa, only to come home the next day and spring a baby on him…
  2. Start training your toddler for their “big brother” or “big sister” jobs. Toddlers love to be seen as “grown up” and responsible.” And parents love when their toddlers are busy. When my son was born, my daughter knew how to put diapers away, fold kitchen towels, find her brother’s clothes in his drawers, and do a few other simple tasks. While she didn’t necessarily do these things well, they helped solidify her role as “big sister,” and gave her something to do when she was bored, and I was desperate.
M learning to soothe little brother.
  1. Work out a “toddler-time” schedule with your partner or other caregivers. If your toddler is anything like my first was, they are the center of your universe. Before my son was born, weekends revolved around park playdates and M’s nap schedule. Transitioning from a life all about you, to a life all about baby, can be kind of traumatizing for kids. So, it’s important to make sure you schedule some alone time with your big kid, and allow them daily opportunities to still feel seen and special, despite their new role.
  2. Be honest about where babies come from. Some people have easy deliveries, and are back to running around the neighborhood by the end of the week. I was not one of these people. After my son was born, my gigantic belly was gone, but I still didn’t feel good. There was also a lot of (TMI warning) blood, and cramping, and sore, leaking boobs–all of which were, at some point or other, visible to my daughter. Even though they’re naturally very self-centered, toddlers are also super observant, and my daughter was, on several occasions, alarmed by the physical changes she noticed in me during the postpartum period. While it might be easier to claim that a stork brought baby brother to the front door in the middle of the night, my personal opinion is that it’s better to tell the truth (without being too graphic), and to explain that all of the “ouchies” that come with having a baby are relatively small, and temporary, and that they’ll all heal with a little time and rest.
  3. Organize a gift exchange between your toddler and the new baby. Toddlers are suckers for gifts. Encouraging them to pick something out for the new baby will help them practice an important life skill of putting others first, and receiving something from their sibling will start the relationship out on a positive foot. I chose to get my daughter a doll and a mini stroller “from brother,” in hopes that she could use them to “play mama,” when real mama was busy.
  4. Read all the new baby picture books. My daughter and I spent a lot of time reading books about new babies, and becoming a big sister. I credit many of these books with really helping her wrap her head around what her new role was going to be like. Reading “new baby” books with your toddler will also provide the opportunity for you, as the parent, to ask your child questions about how they’re feeling, or what they’re concerned about. Reading together is also a great way to bond with your toddler, and remind them that, despite the shrinking lap space, you’re still there for them. I have linked several of my favorite books on this topic at the end of the post, so be sure to check that out!
  5. Make sure that your toddler has his/her own space. Even if your kids will be sharing a room, it’s important for the big kid to have his or her own space. Newborns come with a lot of stuff, and it will help your toddler maintain some sense of normalcy if they have a room, or even just a corner of the playroom, that stays entirely the same even after their sibling arrives. My daughter ended up spending a good amount of “alone time” in her closet after brother arrived, so we just threw a pillow and some stuffies in there and let her do what she needed to do to cope.
Competitive tummy time.
  1. Try not to introduce any other major changes. Unless you live in a sprawling estate, your toddler will most likely hear your newborn wake up in the middle of the night. They will also surely notice that mom and dad are exhausted, that snacks and meals aren’t made as quickly, and that their sibling sure seems to have a lot of needs. These changes are all very difficult for kids to deal with, but it helps if the rest of their lives stay the same. While I definitely do have a friend or two who pulled their older kid out of daycare or preschool when a new sibling was born, and reported that it worked out well for everyone, I had the opposite experience. In the beginning, I thought my daughter would want to be home with mom, dad, grandma and baby, but in the end, going back to her regular routine of school, friends, and teachers seemed to make the transition easier. Now the caveat here is that school (and parks, and gyms, and indoor playgrounds) are breeding grounds for germs. And if you choose to keep up with your toddler’s activities outside of the home, you have to accept the risk that the germs your toddler inevitably brings home will probably make their way to baby. Building the immune system, right?
  2. Expect regressions. Is your toddler potty trained? Get ready for some accidents. Have they been sleeping through the night for years? welcome to wake-up town. Are they generally well-mannered and polite? Here comes the threenager! Toddlers and young children don’t have a lot of stress-reduction strategies in their toolkit, and because of this, they’re probably going to demand your help in some new, and less-than-desirable ways once baby arrives. Just remember that all of these regressions are temporary (they won’t poop in the closet for their rest of their lives…), and totally normal. I found it best to respond to all the accidents and meltdowns with compassion first, and firm boundaries second.
  3. Bonus: Have special nursing or feeding-time toys. On the days when I was alone with my newborn and my toddler, the hardest part of the day was nursing time (and yes, that happens like 10 million times a day). There was something about my son being attached to my body that my daughter really didn’t like. Sometimes she would cry, and sometimes she would climb on me, and sometimes she would wreck havoc on the house. So, I took a few special toys (and even added a new one), and put them in a “nursing basket” that only came out of the closet when brother needed to eat. This made nursing time more exciting for my daughter, and even the process of retrieving the basket and putting it away again provided me with a few minutes of relative peace and quiet.

Our nursing-time toys: My daughter’s special nursing time basket (she was about 2 years old at the time) contained this buckle backpack (she loved fastening and unfastening the buckles, as well as filling the backpack with miscelaneous items), an LCD doodle board similar to this one, and this leapfrog laptop. I’m not normally a huge fan of electronic toys, and the laptop can definitely get a little annoying at full volume, but it kept her engaged for feedings, and she definitely learned a thing or two about her letters.

Best Kid’s Books About New Babies and Becoming a Big Sibling

My Favorite Maternity Clothes for Work and Home:

From Workwear to Loungewear

When I think of maternity clothes, I often think of bows, big flowy blouses, more bows, and unflattering sweat suits. But as someone who has scoured the internet desperate for maternity clothes that in any way resemble my “normal” attire a whopping three times, I can assure you, it doesn’t have to be that way. I am happy to report that you can, indeed, make it to 40 weeks without having to dress like a centerpiece.

This time around, I, like most pandemic-dwellers, am spending the majority of my time at home, so I have focused my purchases on more cozy, affordable items from places like Old Navy, and H&M, but I also invested in some higher-quality, wear-them-every-day-type pieces from higher-end shops.

Below, I’ll break down some of the items I have purchased and loved, for this pregnancy, and previous ones. I also included a section at the end of this post about other items that are far from high fashion, but were crucial to keeping me comfy, and in tip-top shape, especially late into the third trimester.

The Only Non-Maternity, Maternity Leggings You Will Ever Need

Let’s cut to the chase: They’re called the Lululemon Align Pant, and I wear them EVERY, SINGLE DAY. My current routine is to wear one pair in the AM for my workout and the park, come home, shower, and swap ’em out for another, clean pair to wear while chasing the kiddos around for the rest of the day.

I own both the 28 inch (ankle length) and 25 inch (crop), and wear both of them often. Lately, however, I’ve been enjoying the longer fit, as I have some pesky vericose veins in the ankle region and I like the tiny bit of compression I get from the longer fit.

While these pants are not maternity, they are very, very stretchy, and have comfortably accommodated my growing belly throughout all 3 pregnancies – all the way to 40+ weeks with my 9.5 pounder! AND, these pants are such high-quality that despite wearing them every day while super pregnant, they shrunk right back down to their regular size after I gave birth, and also continued to serve me well as the coziest, high-waisted post-partum leggings.

Lululemon Align Pant in Navy.

Honestly, I am constantly shouting my love for these leggings from the rooftops. They are pricy, but they will last through every phase and stage of motherhood and are undoubtedly worth the investment.

You can buy them via the link below. Seriously. Do it.

Jeans

I have bought a lot of bad maternity jeans. And one pair of good ones. These Madewell over-the-belly maternity jeans are on the expensive side ($138), but they honestly fit and look just like my most-loved non-maternity jeans, and I will definitely continue to wear them long into the post-partum period.

Loft Maternity

When I was working, I bought all of my maternity clothes from Loft. They have really great blouses, dresses, sweaters, etc. that are perfect for the office, the classroom, or a casual night out. They’re great quality, and many of my Loft items held up for four years, and throughout three pregnancies. I’ve linked a few of my favorites below, but they rotate their selection often, so it’s worth checking the website as well.

H&M Maternity

H&M Maternity makes my favorite non-legging maternity pants – the mama treggings. When I was pregnant with my first two kids, I wore these stretchy black pants (the perfect jeans-legging hybrid) basically every day to work, and during most winter weekend outings. They are super cozy, slim-fitting, and versatile. They can be paired with a fancy top for dressier occasions, or worn with a t-shirt and cardigan for a more casual outing. I ended up buying two pairs (sized 6 and 8) to accommodate my weight gain and enormous belly towards the end of both pregnancies. I also wore, and continued to love, these pants during the first few months postpartum.

H&M MAMA Treggings and my favorite old Loft Maternity top.

I also own and love the mama joggers (they’re my go-to weekend pant and I plan on either wearing or bringing them to the hospital for post-delivery), and wore the mama slacks often when I was still working, but not as much at home.

Gap Maternity

Gap has great maternity sleepwear, loungewear, and basic sweatshirts that have been perfect for a pandemic pregnancy. A lot of these items will also be great for the postpartum period, when its comfort or nothing at all.

Old Navy Maternity (and baby)

Old Navy is great because they have a LOT of options, and great maternity basics. Their kids’ clothes are also adorable, so you can throw some baby stuff in the cart while you’re at it. I have a black bodycon maternity dress from Old Navy that I wear with a cardigan pretty much any time I want to look “put together.” I also love their basic maternity t’s, and oversized (non-maternity) sweatshirts. I’ve bought a few maternity coats from Old Navy as well, as I appreciate that I don’t have to shell out an arm and a leg for a coat I know I will only wear for one season. Linked a few of these faves, as well as some items I ordered for the new little man.

Side note: When it comes to baby clothes, never buy white, the jammies should always ZIP and have FEET, and when the inevitable poop stain does happen, a good rinse and an hour in the sun will get it right out.

Nordstrom

I got many of my favorite maternity dresses and cardigans (a cardigan never needs to be “maternity,” so don’t fall for that one) from Nordstrom. The dress in the image below is what I plan to wear for my final maternity pics towards the end of this pregnancy. I’ve also gone to Nordstrom at the end of each pregnancy to get fitted for nursing bras. If this is your first baby, I can’t recommend doing that enough (even in a pandemic). Having a comfortable, and well-fitting nursing bra is crucial postpartum, and with how much your boobs (and ribcage) change during pregnancy and postpartum, this can be hard to do on your own. (You can also get this kind of fitting done at Motherhood Maternity or A Pea in the Pod). Nordstrom online also usually sells all the other “pregnancy accessories” you might need, like bellybands and compression socks. I’ve linked the dress pictured, as well as a few other things I’ve purchased from Nordstrom during this pregnancy, below.

Maternity-Specific Brands

I also purchased a few items from maternity-specific shops like Pink Blush and Storq. I have really enjoyed the maternity overalls from Storq in particular, as they are adjustable enough to fit (and fit well) throughout an entire pregnancy. Pink Blush also has a ton of cute (more fashion-forward) maternity items, and while many of them skew a little too feminine for me, I have purchased three of my favorite maternity sweaters there.

Amazon

Ok, so I know that this maybe isn’t the most responsible place to shop, but sometimes you need something, and need it quick, and a few of the staples I’ve bought on Amazon lately have actually been pretty crucial parts of my maternity wardrobe.

Firstly, I have three of this t-shirt. Two white ones, and one black one. And I have two more of a size up in my cart right now because I’m finally (at 31 weeks) growing out of the OGs. I love these shirts because they were loose-fitting enough to conceal the first trimester bump, but long enough to continue to cover my belly well into the third trimester. I have been wearing a small, and will be ordering the medium as well.

I have also bought a few other maternity shirts, including this short-sleeved striped tee, and this long-sleeved striped tee, that helped me get to 30 weeks, but most will need to be sized up in the near future.

Socks, Belts & the Practical Stuff.

  1. Belly Support Belt: I have this cheap version from Amazon, as well as the more expensive one from Belly Bandit, and, honestly, they’re both pretty similar. Starting around 28 weeks with baby #3, I have had to wear this when walking and working out. I have had symphysis pubis dysfunction with all three kids, and a belly belt is really the only thing that quite literally holds me together…
  2. Compression socks: I’ve tried a LOT of brands of compression socks, and the best, by far, are Comrad Compression Socks. I am not sponsored by them. They don’t know I’m writing about them. I just really love them. These have dramatically improved my night-time sleep (they help combat the good ol’ restless leg syndrome), and have helped relieve some of the pain from my varicose veins.
  3. Delivery and Postpartum Robe: With my first, I used the hospital robe. With my second, I made sure I had a better robe of my own. After giving birth, things move around a LOT, and it’s nice to have something loose and breast-feeding friendly at the ready. This time around, I purchased this Parachute cotton robe–it looks like the coziest thing in the world, and will serve me well long after baby is born.
  4. Hospital Shoes: Hospitals are gross. Hospital bathrooms are even grosser (They’re actually not–they sanitize the F out of those things, they just feel gross). And after you’ve had a baby, there are a lot of extra fluids that might somehow make their way onto your shoes when you’re in the bathroom at 1, 3, and 5 am. So, I highly recommend bringing shoes that you can wash (maybe even sanitize?) with you to the hospital. For me, that would be a trusty pair of crocs.

I hope you found some of these suggestions helpful, and, as always, thanks for reading friends!

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