katherine.lasker – Page 14

What I’m Reading:

One to Watch by Kate Stayman-London

Confession: I was a one-time Bachelor super-fan. I used to throw watch parties, and organize Bachelor brackets. However, I have been bored to tears by the last few seasons, and didn’t even finish the last one (cue tiny violins). I may be aging out of the franchise, but I also think the contestants these days are a real snooze. In fact, I want ABC to stop letting people apply, and start selecting contestants at random. (Pull some lucky ladies off the street for goodness sake, just stop with the Instagram models!) But anyway, I digress.

One to Watch is set in a parallel Bachelor universe. The protagonist, a plus-size fashion blogger named Bea, has some issues with self-worth, stemming largely from her experiences in high school and college, and compounded by a stinging rejection later on. One night, she impulsively (aka drunkenly) composes a scathing critique of the show “Main Squeeze,” (Aka The Bachelor) and posts it to her blog. The essay goes viral and ends up landing her the title of first plus-size Main Squeeze lead. Naturally, excitement, uncertainty, self-doubt and romance ensue.

Is it unrealistic? Of course! Is it wildly entertaining? Even more so! While the plot was pretty predictable (especially if you have watched even one season of the actual Bachelor), and there were a few times when I rolled my eyes, I’ll admit I couldn’t put it down. I really grew to love this main character and a few of the men vying for her heart.

I love that the story was fun, but also thoughtful, and gave me the feel-good ending I’m always looking for. I hope there’s a sequel in the works, because I want to know what Bea does next. If you’re looking for your next beach read, this is it.

One To Watch (Click to Purchase)

All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson

I’m actually listening to this one via Audible.com, which I would highly recommend, as it is read by Johnson. I absolutely LOVE hearing authors read their own books, as it makes me feel like I’m really getting the truth (in terms of tone, feeling, emphasis) of the story.

This book is a collection of “essays” (chapters? journals?), in which Johnson describes their experience growing up as a queer person of color. Some of the stories are heartbreaking, and some are hopeful, and Johnson and their grandmother are both real-life heroes worth rooting for.

While the hitherto untold stories of queer people of color are important in and of themselves, Johnson also touches on universal themes like childhood trauma (and who gets to define it), social isolation, and the societal roles kids can be funneled into by their families and communities at a very young age.

It’s definitely worth the read, or the listen, and really gave me something new to think about.

All Boys Aren’t Blue (Click to Purchase)

What We’re Playing:

We’ve gone full puzzler over here! During our vacation in Yosemite National Park last week, we were delighted to discover that our rental house was bursting at the seams with puzzles. After joyfully tossing approximately 3000 puzzle pieces onto the floor, and then vigorously mixing them up, my daughter decided that she wanted me to re-sort them so we could puzzle together (sigh). Yet despite the rough start, we had a ton of fun puzzling together, and it inspired me to get back into the puzzle game at home. While we already owned a few puzzles (including this awesome Melissa and Doug Dinosaur Puzzle), Margot has outgrown most of them. So, before we arrived home, I ordered this Disney Princess Puzzle, and this Little Likes Kids Puzzle. I’ve really enjoyed teaching her puzzle strategy (edges first, then major landmarks, of course), and watching her feel successful when she figured it out on her own.

What We’re Eating:

I have been eyeing Nora’s (of Purely Nora) Carrot Cake Breakfast Cookies for a while now, but shredding carrots seemed like a lot of work, so I kept putting it off. (I’m a very lazy chef.) However, I was feeling bold today, so I went for it, and I am so glad I did. The carrot shredding was literally nothing (I somehow thought it would take like an hour, instead of maybe four minutes…), and the cookies were delicious. They’re not very sweet (they’re healthy cookies, so that’s kind of the point), but they have a nice bready texture, with a slight crunch from the chia seeds and walnuts. I’m sold, and will definitely be making them again.

What I’m Listening To:

This week I listened to an old episode of the Sure Babe podcast, called “Trauma, Bodily Wisdom and Nonlinear Movement with Michaela Boehm”

This episode was all about strategies for coping with anxiety, and how to harness the “wisdom of the body” to begin the work of dealing with, and overcoming, past trauma. At one point, the host said, “I was traumatized in motherhood,” and I was honestly shooketh–in the best way, of course. The cult of positivity surrounding motherhood is obviously well-intentioned, but I often find it stifling, and even kind of oppressive. My kids are the absolute best things in my life, and I love them fiercely, but motherhood, for me, has also terrifying, and exhausting and, at times, traumatizing. To hear someone else speak this truth so publicly was really affirming for me, and I highly recommend this episode to all the moms out there!

What I’m Watching (or not watching):

You may or may not know that this section of the blog was previously dedicated to my most favorite reality T.V. show, Vanderpump Rules. If you care at all about the reality T.V. world, or pop culture in general (which, if you don’t, BRAVO because you are a better person than I), you probably heard that several of the cast members from this show were recently fired due to their racist tweets, and/or hostile actions towards one of the only African American cast members on the show. You can read about the details here.

I’ve known for a while that this show isn’t good for me, or humanity in general, but this was really the straw that broke the camel’s back. So, I will be saying adieu to my guilty pleasure, and moving on to greener pastures (Below Deck? Selling Sunset? The Real Housewives? There is really no lack of good alternatives in the trash T.V. department). I will also be renaming this section of the blog “Week in Review,” which sounds a little more grown-up anyway. Thanks for reading all and I hope you have a fabulous week of family, fun and, of course, reading, ahead of you!

Writing has always been an important part of my life. When I was a kid, I kept a variety of journals (I was obsessed with Amelia’s Notebook and tried very hard, and unsuccessfully, to emulate it). As an adult, I mostly keep my writing in secret folders on my computer, or in composition books that I hide under my bed. I even have about 200 pages of a young adult novel on my computer that I assume will never see the light of day. Until a few weeks ago, I rarely shared my writing with anyone, including my husband.

Despite my reluctance to share my own writing with the world, I have been an avid reader of other people’s blogs for a while. And, despite actively choosing to spend my free time reading said blogs, I have often been pretty critical of them. At times, I have even laughed at them. I have been known to argue that certain blogs promote an unrealistic picture of life, relationships, or motherhood. Or that they are materialistic, self-centered, and showy. While this can, in some instances, be true, if I’m being totally honest with myself, my desire to pick apart others’ work is probably more rooted in jealousy and resentment, and a fear that if I put myself out there in a real way, I would be laughed at, or made fun of too.

Rosie Revere, Engineer, by Andrea Beaty (and BEAUTIFULLY illustrated by David Roberts) is about a little girl (named Rosie, of course), who also has a dream (she wants to be an inventor) but is afraid of the judgment of others.

Her insecurity is rooted in an experience she had with “Zookeeper Fred,” who laughed at her attempt to build a “python-deterring” hat. After this encounter, she continues to invent in secret, and hides her over-the-top creations from the world.

Eventually, Rosie takes a risk, and shows another of her inventions to her beloved Great Aunt Rose. The invention, once again, is a flop, and Rosie is completely mortified when her aunt laughs at her. However, Aunt Rose is a little more perceptive than Zookeeper Fred, and notices that this reaction is causing Rosie to dissolve into a puddle of shame. Aunt Rose immediately stops laughing, and tells Rosie that she isn’t laughing at her, but with her. Aunt Rose explains that being a real inventor is all about taking risks, laughing at yourself when they don’t work out, and finding joy in the smallest of successes (like the fact that, for a brief moment, Rosie’s invention did work).

This book is important, because it encourages kids to take risks. It also reminds them that failure is an important, and inevitable side effect of risk-taking. In an age where everyone’s successes are so aggressively on display, Rosie teaches readers to love their losses, and re-frame “failure” as “learning.”

This book is also an important reminder to us adults of just how sensitive kids are (even when they pretend they’re not), and how easy it is for them to misinterpret our actions and responses to their behavior. None of the adults Rosie encountered meant to squash her dreams, but their good intentions still don’t make up for the hurtful impact. One of my big takeaways here is that it is my job, as a parent, teacher, and adult in general, to think, not just about how I treat kids, but whether that treatment actually ends up having the kind of effect I thought it would.

Lastly, this book resonated with me on a personal level because it reminded me of something I learned long ago, but have somehow forgotten in adulthood: that refusing to take risks because I’m worried about what others will think is pretty silly.

So, after reading it to my daughter for the first time a few months ago, I dragged those secret folders to my desktop, and started this blog.

I am sure someone I know (or lots of people I know) have seen my blog, or my Instagram, and made fun of it. Maybe they think it’s dumb, or too personal, or just bad writing. But whatever I think people think shouldn’t matter. Because, as Rosie reminded me, the laughter is just part of the learning, which is what, ultimately, allows us to reach for our dreams.

The Book! (Click to Purchase)

Other FABULOUS Books by Harry Abrams:

I remember the first road trip Dan and I took with our daughter, Margot. She was about four months old, and we were driving up to San Francisco (a 7 hour trip with a few pockets of traffic) to visit Dan’s family. Before we left, we reassured ourselves that “it would be fine” and “Margot will sleep most of the way!”

Needless to say, we arrived exhausted, angry, and covered in poop.

Today’s road trips are a little easier, since both kids are out of the exploding diaper stage of life. We’re also a little more experienced, and a lot more prepared. So, for my own memory’s sake, and because it could, potentially, help another mama out, I compiled a list of all the junk we bring along to make a day in the car with kids a little less traumatizing for everyone.

Books and Toys:

Drawing Boards: We do a LOT of drawing on road trips, and at home. In fact, my fridge is currently covered with “portraits” of our family which are cute in a certain light, but also the things nightmares are made of. Out of all of the drawing boards linked below, Margot loves the Magna Doodle the best. It comes with a pen and stamps, and is only $12. She also seems to enjoy the LCD drawing board, and Max really loves chewing on the “pencils,” so that one is also a win for all.

Water Wow is our ABSOLUTE favorite travel toy, and we have taken them everywhere with us. Margot and Max can use them in the car, as well as in hotels, at the pool, etc. These are also a great toy to whip out when cooking or doing chores. Just watch out for when your kids learn how to unscrew the water container from the brush–Max recently chugged some of the water, and it may or may not have been about 5 months old.

Drawing Toys:

Other Toys:

Reusable Stickers: We have several sets of sliding glass doors in our house and they are all covered with these Melissa and Doug Reusable Stickers. The stickers are made of plastic, and “cling” vs. “stick,” so they won’t destroy your walls and windows like normal stickers. We bring these in the car and stick them on the windows, the back of the seat, or onto nearby little brothers.

Leapfrog Laptop: I am not a tech-toy person, but I actually kind of love this Leapfrog laptop. It has a few different functions, but Margot really enjoys the letter setting, which allows her to practice matching letter sounds with the correct key. I oftentimes find battery operated “educational” toys to be anything but “educational,” but Margot seems to have really learned something from this one.

Beads for Babies: Max is just beginning to figure out these giant Montessori beads, and Margot has been doing them for a while. They are probably best suited to a 2 year old, but we’ll still bring them along this time.

Magnetic Maze: Margot loves this Hape fish maze and, even though she doesn’t play with it for very long, she tends to go back to it at least a few times per trip. It also seems to be appropriate for the 30+ age demographic, because I enjoy it as well.

Books for Max (15 Months)

Margot can disappear into the brain-melting world of Frozen II for hours in the car, but Max is still to young to be really interested in T.V. So, I plan on spending at least a portion of the trip in the backseat with him, reading up a storm. Max’s current favorite book is “Where’s the Bear,” and he is truly delighted when we find every animal behind the felt flap. He also likes to make sure he points out (and blabbers about) all the other animals on each page.

The rest of the books linked below allow Max to practice pointing at objects or “asking” me what things are (aka grunt-crying and slapping the page), which seems to be his big developmental leap of late. The Curious George puppet book is also always sure to elicit a giggle or two.

Other “Essentials”

Potty: We always bring our OXO Tot Potty in the car, even for short trips. On this trip, we want to avoid taking the kids into public restrooms (which are already kind of traumatic during non-pandemic times), so they will be using this when we stop. You can have them pee directly onto the ground (only if you’re in the middle of nowhere, of course), or buy disposable bags that fit over the seat.

Toy Basket: I try to pack toys, games, and books in a basket, as opposed to a bag or backpack. We use this basket, and place it on the floor below my daughter’s car seat. It’s a lot easier to see and find toys this way, and Margot can just chuck things back in when she’s done with them.

Puke (or poop) Bucket: I always bring a bucket on car trips, especially if we’re headed to the mountains. I get carsick and, although they haven’t shown signs of doing so yet, I’m sure at least one of my children will inherit this trait.

Hydration Supplies: I love these Nuk Straw Cups because they fit into the car seat cup holders better than any of the water bottles we own. The lid twists up to hide the straw, but I’ve never had a spill even with the straw out. They’re also dishwasher safe because WHO HAS TIME TO HAND WASH??!

Click to Shop the List:

Screen Time is NOT the enemy:

Screen time limits are all well and good, but not on the road or in the airport. While I usually try to start every trip with our most low-tech toys and games, I am not ashamed to say my kid has watched 4 straight hours of T.V. on a plane.

We recently purchased a family IPad (I know, I’m about 1,000 years behind), but we also have a Kindle Fire, which we use more often when travelling (it’s also way cheaper, so you don’t have to be as worried about your kid rage-smashing it into the flight-attendant cart…).

Below I have compiled a few of our favorite Apps and shows for both the IPad, and the Kindle. You can thank me when you arrive safely (and silently) at your destination.

IPad Apps:

Montessorium: This is a whole family of Apps, and they are definitely our most used, and most loved. All of the Apps are so simple and allow kids to practice skills like letter tracing, letter identification and basic phonics skills. Margot’s current favorite is actually “Intro To United States,” which asks her to identify the states based on their shape. It is truly alarming how many I get wrong when I play with her. There aren’t a lot of bells and whistles in these apps, but they can entertain my daughter for a while, and she’s learned a thing or two from them as well.

ABC Mouse: This one is a subscription service, and is priced at about $60 per year (you can pay in installments too). Some of the games get a little repetitive, and I wish there was a way to opt out of certain types of activities in the learning pathway but, overall, my daughter really enjoys it. I think that it has definitely helped her with letter and sound recognition, as well as general tech skills. I also like that it has a digital “library” that my daughter can use to have books read to her when we’re on the road.

Kindle Fire Apps:

Books: The Kindle allows you to download a ton of interactive kids books. We have everything from Brown Bear, Brown Bear, to Frozen 5 Minute Stories. I feel better about handing these over than a movie and, when the computer does the reading, I don’t have to personally soldier through the torture that is Frozen 5 Minute Stories.

Sesame Street & Daniel Tiger: Both of these PBS shows have companion Apps which allow kids to practice early reading and math skills, while also living vicariously in the world of their favorite shows. I have actually played the Sesame Street one while Margot was asleep on the plane, and truly enjoyed it.

Shows:

Disney +:

Bluey: This is the cutest show on earth. The episodes are SHORT (like 7 minutes), which is perfect if you need to entertain your kid while you briefly complete a chore, change a diaper, or pop a squat (as the old people say). The show is about a family of Australian Shepherds who engage in some super adorable imaginative play: my favorite is when they create a pretend “hotel,” known for its “crazy pillows” (aka children pretending to be pillows). Parents will also enjoy the truly engaging personalities and antics of the adult dogs (like when the grown-up dogs get a little sloshed at the neighborhood BBQ). In my professional opinion, it deserves 6/5 stars.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (MMC): This one is for “emergencies only.” While kids (and adults) can actually get a lot out of the other shows on this list, MMC is more useful if you want to induce a tantrum-taming zone-out. I find it a little annoying, and pretty over-stimulating, but my daughter loves it. (Go figure). 3/5, but good to have on the back-burner.

PBS Kids:

Sesame Street: I don’t think I really need to explain this one. The website also has great free coloring pages that Margot loves.

P.S: if you at all enjoy reality T.V., and haven’t seen this yet, you’re welcome.

Prime Video:

Daniel Tiger: This show has taught me how to parent. I probably sing the “If you feel so mad…” song at least once a week (sometimes to myself). Its basically an updated version, of the feel-good, be-good Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. And there are plenty of games and books to go with it. Another 6/5.

The Berenstain Bears: Yes! There’s a T.V. show! All of the classic books come to life in this very sweet show. But be warned, the theme song is very catchy. 5/5.

The Snowy Day: The beloved book by Ezra Jack Keats has been expanded upon in this lovely short movie (its a little under 40 minutes long). It was fun to watch my daughter recognize the main character, and style of illustration, and the story touches on some really important themes for youngsters (especially ones that are a little bit reckless like my own). Another 5/5.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS! I hope you enjoyed and drop me a comment about how YOUR road trips are faring these days!

I don’t think I will ever forget being picked last for kickball in the fifth grade. I remember exactly where I was standing on the blacktop, and who got picked before me (Becky, also not good at kickball), and how hot my face felt when I realized I was the only one left. I even remember the kid who was forced to accept me onto his team: his name was Alex, and despite his niceness, he still rolled his eyes as I walked over.

I know that most people don’t make it to adulthood without experiencing this kind of childhood humiliation, and that, ultimately, it is good for us (builds grit, and resilience, etc.) But in the moment, it was truly crushing.

In the fifth grade, being good at kickball was everything. The cute boys were good at kickball, and the cool girls were good at kickball, and even the nerdy kid who got picked on for being super into Mancala was good at kickball.

I, however, was not. And we played it every. darn. day.

I would have given my teacher the entirety of my $20 life savings for her to secretly pop all of the kickballs on campus so that I could go at least a week without having to think about it. Alas, this never happened, and we continued to play kickball each recess, and sometimes before school, well into the winter months. (I grew up in Chicago, so unless the field was buried in 5 feet of fresh snow, it was still kickball weather.)

As a kid, my fixation on being bad at kickball seemed totally logical. The other kids valued kickball skills; therefore, those skills must be inherently valuable. And, because I didn’t have those skills, I must be less worthy (not just of being picked for the team, but in general).

This brings me to Max Lucado’s book, You Are Special, which is the best type of children’s book, in that its lessons are applicable to both kids and adults.

You Are Special is about a city of dolls (called “Wemmicks”) who are each a little bit different, but all equally judgmental of one another. When one Wemmick approves of something about another Wemmick, the latter is awarded a star. When a Wemmick disproves of another (because his nose is too big, or his clothes too ugly), a dot is given. Both stars and dots remain stuck on the Wemmick’s bodies as they go about their days, judging and being judged.

Does this sound familiar yet? If you found my blog through Instagram, it should.

In the book, Punchinello (a Wemmick who receives only dots), is feeling pretty crappy about all this judgment he’s getting from his neighbors. As he’s sulking along, he runs into a Wemmick with nothing on her. No spots, no stars. He is shocked and confused and decides to visit the almighty doll-maker (yes, there’s something allegorical happening here), to figure out what the heck is going on. After a brief chat, the doll-maker reminds Punchinello of how special he is, and reveals to him that the stickers are meaningless. In fact, he says, “the stickers only stick if they matter to you.”

When I was in fifth grade, the label “bad at kickball” mattered to me a lot. So did other labels, like “cool,” or “pretty,” or “smart.” I envied my friends who were “good at kickball,” or “outgoing,” or “funny.” My own brother was “smart,” “funny,” “popular,” AND “good at kickball” — in Wemmick land, he would have been covered in stars.

I don’t mean to say that labels aren’t important. I think that they can serve a purpose in helping kids reflect on their actions, or find friends with similar interests. I think that owning labels like “resilient,” or “hard-working,” or “friend” can help kids start creating a positive self concept that will drive them to live purposeful lives as adults. (Which is why we should all remember to tell our kids (and students) that they already are what we want them to be.)

I think that trying to teach kids not to label one another is unproductive. It is, after all, a natural and normal process, and something that kids need to do to understand their place in the world.

However, I think we do need to teach kids to understand that the labels we place on others have more to do with us than they do with them. Mark Manson wrote an interesting article, in which he said that “the yardstick we use for ourselves is the yardstick we use for the world.”

In the Wemmick’s world, the dolls who gave Punchello “dots” were doing so because they saw in him things they had been told to hate in themselves. During my own childhood, the criticism I gave myself for being “bad at kickball” was based more on the importance I placed on kickball than any inherent worth the game, or athleticism in general, held.

At the end of Lucado’s book, Punchinello leaves his maker’s house and smiles as several, but not all, of the dots fall off of his body. I particularly love this detail because it reminds us that growth doesn’t happen all at once, just as releasing the power others’ judgments have over you takes time–at least 32 years, in my case.

Right now, I don’t think my daughter has any idea that people judge her. The ignorance of three is blissful and beautiful. However, as she gets older, and especially when she goes back to school, judgment and shame are unavoidable. The best I can hope to do is teach her to think carefully about the judgments others try to make of her, and help her take control over which ones she lets stick.

The Book! (Click to Buy – or visit my page at bookshop.org)

I hate diapers. Almost as much as I hate the diaper genie. (It’s designed to be not gross, and it is still. so. gross.) Since my husband and I have both started working from home, every suspiciously stinky diaper has turned into a VERY competitive game of “YOU’RE IT!” I have even been known to run into the office, drop the poop-covered toddler at my husband’s feet, and run out again.

I know potty training also gets a bad rap, but I would much rather stay in for 3 days with a naked toddler than ever have to clean poop out of the 1 million crevices in my child’s tooshie, ever. again.

In the Montessori world, potty training starts super early, with something called “toilet awareness.” When I first heard this term, I was in a parent-teacher conference and had to choke back a giggle, as I imagined my daughter and her baby friends standing around a potty, suddenly in awe of its existence.

However, looking back on it now, I have to say that the system really works. My daughter was a breeze to potty train and, even before she was out of diapers, the strategies we used for changing her diaper, and talking about changing her diaper, made it a much less painful process than I know it was for some of my friends. (Again, I credit her school for this more than myself.)

We are currently in the “toilet awareness” phase with Max and, due to Covid-related school closures, are trucking along without the help of his truly angelic teachers. While I am not a Montessori teacher myself, I have been blessed to have worked with, learned from, and become close friends with, the experts. Below is an outline of the “toilet awareness” system I learned from them, and then tweaked to fit the reality of our life.

Supplies:

Before you start, make sure you have the following supplies. In our old house, the bathroom was tiny, so we set most of this up in Margot’s room. In our current house, we have everything except the bench set up in the bathroom. It doesn’t really matter where everything is, as long as the location stays pretty consistent.

A training potty. We use the Baby Bjorn Smart Potty at home, and the OXO Tot Potty for on-the-go. The Baby Bjorn is a little more stable, but the OXO folds up and can be used in the car, at the park, etc. (I have always been tempted to buy one of the kid-sized “potty seats” that can be placed on top of our regular toilet. However, toddlers can’t use on their own, so it doesn’t foster the same type of independence as one of the aforementioned types would.)
A small hamper for your child to throw his/her dirty clothes into after using the toilet. We used one similar to this. It’s important to pick something low enough that your child can reach the top by him/herself, but also plastic. Because, poop.
A bench for your child to sit on after using the toilet. We used this step stool as a “bench” since it was small enough to fit into our bathroom. The child is supposed to use this time/space to practice putting his or her clothes back on. I also used it as a place where Margot knew she should go while I cleaned up and sanitized the toilet. It was somewhat difficult to teach Margot to sit and wait, and she definitely didn’t always do it, but I think it is an important component of teaching kids patience, and making sure they understand the work you put into cleaning up after them.
A basket of books–preferably toilet related. You may want to read to your child while they sit on the potty in order to encourage them to stay there. We love this one, this one, and this one.
Margot’s teachers requested that we set up a small hand-washing station, but our bathroom was tiny, and this seemed like more work than it was worth. All you need is a low table with a bowl, pitcher of water, soap and a towel, but we opted for using this learning tower to have her wash her hands at the kitchen sink instead.

Optional:

We installed this Jonti Craft Infant Coordination Mirror and Bar in Margot’s room when she was a baby. She used the mirror during tummy time as an infant, and then used the bar a LOT when she was old enough to practice pulling herself up to standing. When we transitioned to stand-up diapering, we used this bar for diaper changes. It’s expensive, but Margot and Max both still use it (Margot for “ballet” and Max for diaper changes and giggling at himself).

Clothing:

Once Margot and Max reached 11 or 12 months old, we stopped using onesies, and moved exclusively to t-shirts and shorts. In order for kids to start participating in diaper changes and toilet awareness, they have to be able to pull their pants up and down on their own. I put Margot in dresses sometimes, but these also get tricky, as she couldn’t always hold them up and out of the toilet on her own. I buy almost all of my baby and toddler clothes from Target and Old Navy.

The Process:

When To Start:

I have read that toilet awareness can start around 12 months, but Max and Margot actually both started earlier. I think that kids are probably ready when they are beginning to participate in other “tasks” around the house (such as pulling laundry out of the basket while you are folding, or watching closely as you put cups and bowls from the dishwasher into the cabinet). When babies/toddlers start paying attention to these processes, they might be able to understand the association between their bodily fluids and the toilet. They should also, obviously, be able to sit on the potty without assistance.

What To Do:

Whenever your child has a dirty diaper, stand them up, either at a bar, or by the side of the tub. Remove the diaper and wipe them while they are standing. This will take some getting used to, but both of my kids actually preferred this to laying down on the changing table.

Margot’s teachers also told us to talk about feelings of “wetness” and “dryness” in non-judgmental way. This is really hard, and I mess it up a lot. Some phrases I try to use before the diaper change are, “you’re diaper is full,” or “you probably feel wet.” When we’re done, I try to narrate how we’re “all dry now” and “ready to play again.” With Margot, my first impulse is still to say, “oh no, an accident,” since my brain automatically goes to the inconvenience of cleaning it up but, you know, it’s hard not to be the center of our own universe.

After changing and wiping, have the child sit, naked, on the potty. You want to try to get them to stay there for a few minutes. You can sing to them, read a book together, make funny faces–whatever gets them to stay seated.

Over time (if you do this process pretty regularly) your child will start to associate diaper changes, as well as poop and pee, with this process of sitting on the potty. (Basically, they’ll think to themselves: “I pee, and then sit on the potty. Those two things go together!”)

Eventually, your child will pee (or poop!) on the potty. When this happens you GO OVER THE TOP BANANAS. Sing your praises of them. Shout it to the rooftops. Make them feel like a real champ. The more you pump them up, the more likely they are to do it again. We were told not to use rewards, as this can be a hard habit to break.

Max is 15 months old and he is now at the point where he runs to the potty when he needs a diaper change. He still only pees in the potty once in a blue moon, but he definitely knows that it has something to do with peeing and, most importantly, he enjoys sitting on it.

When To Move To “Potty Training”

Everyone that I have talked to has a different opinion on how to know when to start moving from “toilet awareness” to full blown potty training, but I think it’s important to look to your child first. We knew Margot was ready because she started going to the toilet on her own, and actually peeing in it about 50% of the time. After she did this for a few days in a row, we blocked off our weekend, and did the three-day potty training method. It was pretty similar to what is explained here, but I will write a more in-depth post on it when we get there with Max.

Some people say that kids are ready when they start pulling on their diaper, but Max has been doing this for MONTHS, and he is certainly not ready yet. I think it’s also really important to read how your kid reacts to the process and, if they started getting super wigged out, take a break and try again later. The last thing you want is for your kid to develop negative associations with the toilet.

Thanks for reading & wishing you HAPPY adventures in toilet training!

Week in Review: July 3, 2020